A Rabbi Helped Me Find Spirituality Without God
After my daughter died, I craved the spiritual guidance I lacked as an atheist
I’m an atheist and a secular Jew, so it still surprises me that one of the most spiritual experiences of my life occurred in a synagogue. It happened during the height of the holiday season in 2017, about eight months after my daughter died from cancer.
That year, my friend Babs had a booth at a holiday craft fair — a fundraiser for the local synagogue. Babs had lost her son Killian to cancer in 2009 and she knew how hard the first holiday without Ana would be for me. She called me from the synagogue and asked if I wanted to come keep her company at her booth. I thought it would be a nice distraction, so I went to meet her, squeezing in beside her at a table piled high with handmade soaps and creams.
I watched the crowd as they went from booth to booth, buying gifts and chatting. I felt removed from the joy of the holidays and a bit guilty for being a “bad Jew” in a place filled with devout congregants.
There was a woman who stood out to me and I watched her as I sat half-hidden behind a stack of pine-scented shampoo bars. Her head was shaved and she had an open, engaging face.
