‘Happy Holidays’ is a Loaded Phrase For Grieving People
Grief on Christmas is as common as candy canes
We’re once again at the threshold of another Christmas. These last few weeks before the holiday used to fill me with excitement, nostalgia, and hope. But when you’ve lost a child, it’s hard to get excited as the Christmas lights appear in the neighbors’ windows and giant inflatable snowmen manifest on lawns across America.
My daughter Ana died when she was 15. She spent her final Christmas pale, weak, and struggling for breath. The memory of that last bleak Christmas, and the terrible months that followed, has permanently dulled the season.
Holiday nostalgia triggers this pain — the ornaments that Ana once hung on the tree, the snow globes she picked out herself, the empty space where her stocking should be — it still hurts, even eight Christmases later.
If you haven’t lost someone dear to you, consider yourself lucky. But also consider that you probably know someone who has. For some of us, it doesn’t matter how much time has passed. We’ll always be grieving during the holidays.
I don’t need people to be careful around me anymore because I’ve learned to fortify myself against the impenetrable wall of holiday cheer. But some people are going into their first or second…
