Stop shaming grievers
Being in the UK the last few days, I’ve been watching the British media’s hand-wringing over the Harry and Meghan Netflix documentary with the sceptical interest of a relative outsider with little interest in the royal family. And it’s been a trip.
One presenter acknowledged the fact that the traumatic loss of Harry’s mother at such a young age must not be minimised…then, in the same breath, pointed out that his brother William had taken it differently and wasn’t still going on about it decades later.
In other words, she minimised his trauma.
The implication being that there is, in fact, a “right” way to grieve, and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother and suck it up with grace and dignity?
But the truth is grief does affect people differently, and people do grieve in different ways, sometimes for many, many years. It doesn’t make them wrong.
Harry was just TWELVE YEARS OLD when his mother died — and it wasn’t just any old death, but a horrific accident that many to this day suspect may have been premeditated.
He’s had to live with years of speculation, scrutiny, and seeing his deeply personal loss play out at an international level.
Of course it’s still affecting him. Of course he’s still talking about it — as he should and has every right to do. Harry’s openness about how his mother’s death affected him in a society where grief is still so stigmatised should be praised, not criticised.
He’s not making excuses. He’s raising awareness by sharing his side of the story — and the reaction of the media is to shame him and indirectly tell him to snap out of it.
How is that supposed to make other grievers feel?
Grief has no timeline. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. And losing someone you love can traumatise you for a lifetime. Sometimes, grief changes everything.
So let’s normalise grieving — not just in the first six months or year, but in the years and even decades after the loss.
And let’s normalise the fact that everyone grieves differently — and stop shaming people for sharing their grief.
