If I were to look for my pain
If I were going to look for my pain, I would need more strength than I can muster now. Perhaps I can bind my pain inside me and keep it there, not allowing it to roam the world freely. There, where it had no choice but to be part of me, it might lose its ability to change shape and blind-side me. If I accept it into me and make my body a vessel instead of fighting it perhaps we’ll be forced into an uneasy truce.
I would need to use powerful magic, which requires the strength of my ancestors and the binding runes of my heritage. I would need to cleanse my self both physically and spiritually. Fasting to prove my worthiness and dedication.
A shower with lavender and thyme to clean the spiritual “gunk” I have built up around me. Burning charcoal with sage and dragon’s blood incense to purify my intent and steel my resolve. A kettle with hot water to use for steeping the henna paste, and a brush.
I need time to mark my body. Each rune must be carefully drawn and imbued with a wish. I need to do this methodically. Down each arm and leg, over my heart, then upon my hands and feet. The final markings anointed across my face.
I need to recite the words, ancient words of power. These words shake trees and shatter mountains when spoken aloud; they must be used carefully. With them, I call to my pain, my anguish, my tormentor. I invite you here and now to face me, not a demand, but a plea.
Eventually, as the beast responds, I would need peace, and calm and love to woo it into my grasp. Intention and concentration mixed with love, compassion, and a touch of desperation. It will take time to convince the beast to come closer, speaking the words slowly and purposefully. Then, just as exhaustion threatens failure, the final words… it is done!
It will scream inside me at being tricked. It will berate me and call me names and try to trick me into letting it free. I will need to be resilient to hold fast and be silent, so I can soften into its fury. Becoming a lightning rod to lessen the tempests bite and protect those around me.
I would need my friends and my family to send me the strength of spirit to keep the runes compelling, holding my trap until my pain and I are one.
If I were to look for my pain.
