The Monkeypoxalypse Should Be Keeping You Up At Night

Forget monkeypox. Why are there so many monkeys in art?

Abraham Teniers, mid 17th century — Apes playing cards (although they look like monkeys to me) Public Domain

After Covid, virologists are already bored with monkeypox. Can you blame them? It is a virus strain with a mortality rate of 1–3% (but only in rural Africa), an R0 of less than 1, and we already have a pretty badass vaccine.

Some piddly DNA virus that makes your face erupt in pus-filled boils and mutates at the rate of a decomposing Twinkie is laughable after the shitshow we survived. (For the record, Covid and the 1918 Influenza outbreak were fast-mutating RNA viruses. Big difference.)

Besides, humans eradicated its equally disgusting cousin, smallpox. (Except for that secret vial Putin keeps under his bed. I want you to sleep well tonight.)

But what is terrifying is (gulp)…monkeys. Monkeys are lust-hungry little devils waiting to bite your face off. Yes, I know they didn't cause the latest apocalyptic horseman, but they are still evil.

Or at least they are in art history.

Monkeys in the margins

It's hard to find a medieval manuscript without frolicking monkeys in the margins. This is referred to as "monkey marginalia" by those who refuse to take pre-modern academia seriously.