There Is No Magic Pill
Which diagnosis garners more sympathy: fibromyalgia or brain cancer?
This question may be easy to answer, but unpacking why you answered how you did is much harder. In my experience, chronic conditions tend to be less understood and less validated than other illnesses.
Maybe it’s because we live in a country that expects an easy cure. If there is a problem, capitalism can fix it in exchange for cash. Or if you prefer, old-fashioned mind over matter. You can always just pick yourself up by the bootstraps, never mind the physics. And if all of that fails, surely there is an herb or vitamin to heal you from within.
It’s always easier to blame the victim for their lack of knowledge or willpower than it is to sit with their reality and seek deeper empathy.
My friend Maria has been learning to cope with fibromyalgia. If getting to a diagnosis wasn’t difficult enough, she is also navigating how to better share household and family responsibilities with her husband, better communicate expectations in social situations, and determine her treatment plan.
Then there is her husband, Eric. He’s the one with brain cancer. A recent surgery to remove the astrocytoma, along with chemotherapy, have left him depleted but hopeful.
Maria and I caught up recently while she was in town for a conference and enjoying a much-needed respite from the overwhelm at home. We talked about the difference between where she is and where she thought she’d be, how she is redefining success, and how she deals with the people who think she’s giving up.
One of my favorite parts of the conversation was hearing about the chart she created to better communicate with her husband. On a bad day she was able to quickly signal her status to avoid a draining conversation. Every partnership, especially one where chronic illness is present, requires creative solutions for maintaining communication and overcoming the instinct to retreat.
Most importantly, we talked about how she stays grounded despite the whirlwind. You can listen to our full conversation in the first episode of the Grounded podcast.
