Reviewing The 5 Love Languages — A Sharing of Love Language №1 (Words of Affirmation)
The language of love is spoken in very many ways. Our family members speak it. Our friends speak it. And most importantly, it is expressed by the ones who love us on a romantic level. Nevertheless, however commonly the language of love is spoken, the key to greater success in the matters of love and dating lies in being fluent in it. Moreover, this is not always conquered masterfully by many. In view of this need for general guidance on how to speak the language of love and guarantee long-term dating success, I shall now discuss my understandings of the various passages that comprise this chapter and analyse how verbal affirmation could lead you to be a better lover/dater, whilst giving you my first impressions of this book.
Encouraging Words
The key takeaway from this passage was the art of using supportive words of positivity rather than negativity to get the most out of your relationship. I believe psychology terms this as positive reinforcement. This is a concept, whereby, positive reaffirmation and feedback on one’s performance in a given setting is used as a way to encourage desirable behavior. I liked how the passage reiterated the meaning of encouraging as a means to ‘inspire courage.’ I feel much miscommunication occurs in dating relationships as a result of fear which can be resolved by encouragement.
Going through the passage, I truly enjoyed the story provided to demonstrate this principle. I even found myself relating to it in many ways. The story was about how a woman’s dreams to pursue journalism after college were dashed when she got a rejection letter from the publication she wrote to. Her hesitance to continue writing was further cemented when she conceived a child. However, all of this changed when her husband read her writing one day and told her just how amazing a writer she was. This seemed to have renewed her interest, and she pursued her writing endeavors once more which resulted in her becoming a published writer with her own book contract.
I think given the fact that I too am embarking on a journey of self-discovery through freelance writing at present, her experience spoke volumes to me. On a personal level, I feel that my freelancing experience is made much sweeter through positive affirmations from others about the quality of my writing. This makes me try harder, even if these positive affirmations do not come from a dating partner. In our professional relationships and romantic relationships, encouragement is essential to our growth. While being encouraging may seem strange at first, keep practicing! Example, if you’re on a date and your date is feeling unsure about something (this could be uncertainty about what they’re wearing or the decisions they’re making about something), giving them that little encouragement makes a huge difference. Going the extra mile will help you be a better dater and lover.
Kind Words
This passage further built on the aspect of positive reinforcement. It only makes sense that kindness is a crucial element of dynamic love language. In my Psychology course, I was taught that the human mind responds to kindness by emitting the feel-good hormone known as serotonin. We feel happiness in response to affection and in return are inclined to return the favor, either through kind deeds or words. Speaking kindly certainly does have connotations of non-judgment which is quite important in the dating realm. Human beings are not perfect, after all. So voicing unkindness to them verbally is akin to judging them. I guess this is the dating equivalent of #goodvibesonly!
Humble Words
When we speak to the ones we love from a place of humility, this has a calming effect on them. In an era where bravado and confidence are desirable, humility may seem like a downgrade for some. A little humility can be a beautiful thing in a dating relationship. What it provides is an outlet for vulnerability. The passage emphasizes this through the importance of making a request rather than a demand of your spouse. I especially like how it explained this by giving a sarcastic and conversely gentler version of the same request:
“You know those apple pies you make? Would it be possible to make one this week? I love those apple pies.”
“Haven’t had an apple pie since the baby was born. Don’t guess I’ll get any more apple pies for eighteen years.”
The tonal implication of these statements is most evident. The reception of the first statement would be warmer than the second simply due to how much warmer it sounds in retrospect. You receive what you give out. Give warmth when dating and get warmth back. The date is a lot cozier too when imbued with warmth!
Various Dialects
The chapter closed off by musing that merely speaking in one dialect of love is not beneficial for better dating success. Too much of any one thing is not good, coming to think of it. When we angle the various types of affirmation in ways that complement our dating journeys, dating success is a given!
I am really enjoying reading this book so far. I like the anecdotal approach to explaining the various ways in which affirmation is given in the romantic journey but felt it could have been better balanced with more accurate explanations. I am highly looking forward to reading the rest and sharing further verdicts and recollections with all of you. Stay tuned for next week, where I shall delve into Quality Time, the second language of love.
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