That puking feeling.

I have to confess. It feels like almost everything I do in a day makes me want to puke. I’m not actually purging my lunch, but that deep gut feeling of unrest creeps up anytime I have to do something that is slightly outside of my comfort zone. The blood drains from every inch of my body and rushes to my neck and face signaling to me and anyone within a 30 foot radius that I am uncomfortable. It rarely feels like anything is inside of my comfort zone.

I thought I would become more comfortable (err.. confident?) as I got older and with more experience under my belt. I am not. My comfort has never caught up to the new — and old — challenges I face everyday.

But, I have grown more comfortable with being uncomfortable. I accept the fact that the puking feeling will never completely go away and that Sheryl references this feeling by a much cleaner name. Now I just say, screw it, and hit send on emails that before I’d spend days pouring over.

In the last 48 hours I’ve done things that make me want to roll over and shrivel. The key thing being: I’ve gotten them done. They aren’t marinating in a stall.

I’ve given honest and direct feedback to one of my idols. I’ve analyzed and presented a ton of data with my own point of view for a large group of significantly more seasoned professionals than me. I’ve proposed a good chunk of change be spent because of this analysis. I pushed videos live on YouTube that I filmed and edited (after learning to edit in screenflow over the weekend) for my new company. I told a friend her behavior was annoying me. I got a “we are going to pass” rejection. I pushed back our launch so that we could attack an architectural challenge that would haunt us in the future. Oh, and I decided to write this.

I didn’t puke. I did not feel comfortable. I did feel good. Because I did the things I needed to do to get me where I want to go. I believe I did these things well (or well enough). And I’ll keep doing things every day that make me want to hurl because that is the only way I know how to function.

This has become my North Star. When I feel the nausea knocking it usually means I am about to do something I need to do to push me forward. More often than not it turns out well. Scientists — specifically, Yerkes and Dodson — would call this reaching my optimal performance. I’m anxious enough that I fret a bit over my work and actions, but not so much that I take myself out of the game.

There is no puke, just rally.

This lesson Yerkes and Dodson figured out in 1908 I’ve only learned recently. Nike, too, figured this out a long, long time ago. Just Do It. What’s the worst that could happen? I don’t know. I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

Rally on.

PS. In a world where everyone is pretending to have it figured out, I thought I’d break that mold and say, like, Oprah: this is what I know for sure. Sort. Of.

PPS. If you want to see what we are building it is here and is a work in progress. #potentiallyembarassing #optimalperformance