Trust me, it will all work out.

“That is absolutely the worst advice ever”

I had the honor to speak to around 100 student leaders at Berkeley recently. It made me think about what I needed to hear when I was a student about to graduate from Cal in 2008. I also thought a lot about what I didn’t hear. Or perhaps what I wasn’t able to hear when I was getting ready to enter the big bad world for the first time.

This is what I said to the students and what I wish I could say to a younger me:

Don’t ever leave. Seriously do not graduate.

Just kidding, you have to, I know. And you’ll be fine. It will all work out. Trust me, it will all work out.

Ha. I know right? How many times has someone told you that?

My big issue with trust me, it will all work out is that it offers no real advice or actionable steps. And without that how is it supposed to comfort you?

What I needed to hear when I was standing in your shoes only 7 years ago is how will it all work out. I often need to hear this, still, today.

Tell me: what did you do to get to where you are? Where did you fall down? What did you do right? Tell me what you did and what you wish you had done. Don’t tell me I’ll be fine, tell me what I can do right now to get better. Help me move forward.

At twenty two I was graduating into a world of uncertainty and for the first time in my young (privileged) life I was no longer a student. I was going to face my own personal uncertainty. This would be the first time I would be forced to figure it out on my own without the structure of school to guide me.

I needed to find a job. A career. A passion.

And I felt like I had no idea how to do that. What was I going to do? How was I going to do that? Who was I going to be?

I looked at everyone else on Facebook, they all seemed to have it together. How had I missed the ship? What did I do wrong?

And then one day I realized that my Facebook wall looks exactly like everyone else’s. I’m showcasing my life highlights, too.

Everyone struggles at some point in this transition. Everyone. Even if it seems like everything is perfect for someone else, know, they too, are facing what you are facing.

After graduation I went right after a name brand job in an awe inspiring city. I managed to fall down a few times before getting it, but I got it. And then I was shocked when it wasn’t all that dreamy.

“They don’t call it fun.”

Yes, it is called work for a reason.

Even though this work wasn’t rocket science I doubted myself and my abilities constantly. Was I good enough? Was I doing the right thing? Was this all there was? Was I making the right decisions? Were they going to fire me just as quickly as they’d hired me?

Slowly, I began to decide that I wasn’t willing to accept that my job, my career and my life wouldn’t be absolutely fascinating and meaningful. So I found a way to make it meaningful. I sought out mentors, opportunities and I did work outside of my paid responsibilities. I made the most of my job.

I regularly worked after midnight on a weekly email about female leadership development that would be sent to people at my firm interested in the topic. It was the most interesting and meaningful part of my week. And I was doing it for free in my own “free” time. I did it because I wanted to.

I took my professional development and career into my own hands. This work gave me the opportunity to grow as a professional, direct access to the most powerful woman at my firm and the opportunity to work on a project that mattered to me. Down the line this work would encourage me to start Levo League.

I fell down and I got up what felt like every week. There was —it seemed— always something in my way that I had to find a way to get around. I did get around it. Definitely took a lot of detours to the kitchen for ice cream, but I figured it out. I figured out my way around the roadblocks. The self-doubt. The fear.

The real world is hard. That is what they don’t tell you. It’s so hard. In fact it is infinitely harder than I could have imagined when I was standing in your shoes. But, today, my life, is so much more incredible than I could have ever dreamt and I had — still have — huge dreams.

And you, you went to Berkeley, so I know a few things about you. You know how to work hard. You know how to fight for opportunities. You know you are part of a much bigger world that you have a responsibility to contribute to. You also know you need to pay your dues and that your life is your responsibility and that everything that happens is a learning opportunity.

So this is my advice to you. Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever give up on yourself. You will hit walls. You will question yourself and your abilities. You will question what you are doing. You will wonder is this it? You will fear failing and falling off into oblivion. And then you will bounce back and run around or right through those walls. You will figure it out. You will get where you want to go. And it will be amazing. It just may take a little bit of time.

Over time you will learn and you will collect experiences that will give you perspective and knowledge that will help you grow into who you want to be.

Don’t underestimate the moments where you feel at your weakest, those are the moments that will propel you into the person you want to be. There will be a lot of these weak moments and that is okay. We all have them. We’ve all survived them. Most of us have grown from them. And we all know many more are to come.

Be patient, it takes time to get to where you want to go in life. It doesn’t happen over night; life is, indeed, fortunately and unfortunately, a journey. I’ve still barely started in on mine.

Trust me, it will all work out. Not because of me, or because of some magical force in the universe. Not because someone is going to come and save you. No, it will all work out, because YOU will make it work.

GO BEARS!