Avoiding failure is your biggest mistake
Tonight feels like any other weekend.
You don’t have class or work and you’re sitting alone in an empty house, convinced you’ve got nothing to do. You’ve also gone back to telling yourself you have no one to hang out with. Everyone you know is busy. And you don’t know very many people. They’re off on road trips or at concerts or dinners, all of which you weren’t invited to.
You’ve convinced yourself you’re not wanted and always ask what it is about you that repels so many people. You even called home to talk to mom and no one answered and that made you feel worse. You sat there, leaving a voicemail, unsure of what to say, mumbling and stuttering, and then you just went quiet, followed by the line going dead. Voicemail doesn’t even want you.
Maybe it isn’t about you. Maybe there are just some times where everyone else’s plans line up on a day where they all end up being busy with other people that they know. They didn’t scheme to not invite you, you just aren’t a part of the group they decided to spend time with this weekend. Or last weekend. Or any number of weekends this year where you sat alone at home.
This incidence repeats itself quite often and you take a negative, self loathing approach to it. You think about how much life sucks in these moments. How you wish you had 30 close friends so that you’d never be alone. You’d be the one enjoying life. Other people would be sitting alone watching your Snap story. Maybe its time to flip the script you’re writing in your head.
These moments alone aren’t the problem. The problem is probably the fact that you’re one of the few people who doesn’t prioritize the way the others do. Everyone else studies in the morning so they can party at night.
You sleep-in in the mornings and get up around 11 or 12. You play video games right after washing up. You ignore all the clothes and excess shit on your floor instead of taking 10 minutes to clean it up. You ignore the gut you see in the mirror every morning. You ignore the ugly facial hair you have. The thin bristles on your face that aren’t styled or cut clean. They’re just a signal to the world of some guy who’s given up.
Seriously. You look like you just lost your job and are going through a divorce. What the hell? You keep thinking you’ll get better “later.” Whenever that is. When you’re at peace, when you feel better about yourself, when you have less stress.
I think you fail to realize that all the things you DON’T do are what cause these problems. You don’t feel lonely because everyone’s busy, you feel lonely because you’re afraid of being alone with yourself and the thoughts in your head.
Side bar: You just found out the warriors forced game 7 and you feel a bit better.
People say they don’t judge but they do. And chances are it isn’t to keep you away from them because of some shallow, negative, petty reason. It’s because they realize the importance of who they want around them. Think about it. If you had a friend who talked about success and entrepreneurship a lot but you saw 0 results, would you want them around?
If this friend was wearing a nice suit but complaining that all his clothes don’t fit properly because he’s fat, would you enjoy his company? Especially after the 4th or 5th time you’ve been in a formal situation with him and he has the same complaint. He won’t shut up, he won’t get new clothes that fit and he won’t work out or eat clean to lose weight and fit into his old clothes.
Why the fuck would you wanna be around him?
No one would. It’s not because he’s fat. It’s because he complains and then sits on his ass. It’s because he talks about how much he enjoys gaming but that seems to be all he enjoys. He says he enjoys hikes and being out in nature, but he NEVER goes hiking.
He started a business but he doesn’t do much with it. He’s just barely frustrated enough to do something and also just content enough to justify playing video games when he could be researching ways to increase sales and make it big.
He does all these things, or doesn’t do these things, because he’s afraid of failure. He tried dieting and it didn’t work so he went back to fast food 3 times a day. He didn’t think “maybe I should change something. This is a proven formula so if it isn’t working for me, maybe I’m doing something wrong?”
He thought “Well fuck, I’ll just be fat forever.” And then he says he knows everything about nutrition and fitness. Fucking liar.
You are this friend.
You live in a dirty room. You buy healthy food only to throw it out weeks later when it goes back from you neglecting to eat it or freeze it. You stay fat because you don’t work out. You ignore your 100+ units of inventory taking up space in your room because you don’t want to just GRIND and figure out how to move them outta the house. You don’t want to do anything because you think “nothings gonna work,” or “what if I spend all this time reading and researching and then it doesn’t work? I just wasted all that time,” or “success isn’t for me. Fuck this. I don’t want to keep trying. Why does it come so easily for everyone else and not for me? What the fuck is so special about them?”
Nothing is special about them. They just don’t stop. You stopped. You stopped going to the gym. You stopped eating healthy. You stopped reading, writing, creating, learning, growing and facing your fears. You’re afraid to move. You’re afraid to fail in all those things, which is why you don’t do them anymore. And look at you now. You stopped growing and you feel like shit. Because your priorities are so far off base that your well being is a dying signal out in space somewhere. Somewhere so far you can barely hear it or see it anymore.
Failure isn’t what you think it is. Failure is what you’re doing now. Failure is when you suck at life because you don’t put 100% forward every time. You know your potential. You know how your whole body felt lifted when you used to get excited about something new as a child. You remember those times where challenges were tough, but you drove straight through them like a god damn wrecking ball into a wall of ice. Challenges and hardships used to shatter as you touched them.
Now you simply walk up to the wall. Look at how much taller it is. Consider pushing through it. Only to convince yourself it isn’t possible. And you shrink. And the wall grows taller. And your confidence is infinitesimal in comparison.
You sit there. Hating everything. Wallowing. Feeling like this is it. That is failure. Failure isn’t trying something and having it not work. That’s just life. That’s growth. It should be exciting to try something new. Regardless of the outcome. FUCK THE OUTCOME. It doesn’t matter. You try something new. That’s it. That’s simply the goal. To do something new and to do it 100%. The outcome doesn’t matter because in most cases, you have limited control over it. The focus is to give it your all because you know from your past that when you go in 100%, you ALWAYS get what you want. Eventually.
Side note: mom called back and you feel better after speaking to her. You also feel better after writing this post. Mom loves you unconditionally because she believes in you, understands your potential and she loves you for you but also for what you’re capable of. If you want the people around you to love you and include you, you need to show them your potential. You need to show them who you really are. You aren’t yourself. You’ve let culturally influenced thoughts dictate your life. Move past that. Transcend. Your friends will grow to love you when you become your true self.
Take the right steps. Don’t think time is free. The time you have right now needs to be used to build something, and understand that nothing is built properly the first time, or even the 10th. You just keep at it over and over and over again. Perfect practice makes perfect. So stop wasting time, go in 100% into the things you’re reluctant to do. Take care of yourself and prioritize YOURSELF over the carnal desires and thoughts that plague your mind.
Failure isn’t getting an undesired result. Failure is what you’ve been doing.
Failure is not trying.
Failure is staying in your comfort zone.
Failure is what you’ve been doing.
So do the opposite…and maybe you’ll discover what’s on the other side of failure.
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Asad Chishty is a writer, digital marketer and wannabe comedian figuring out the best way to deliver value to the world. You can follow him on twitter and sign up for his newsletter to stay up to date on his work.