I Won’t Complain

A musing on gratitude in the eye of the storm — and the hope that arises there

I’ve been on a The Color Purple bender recently.

It started when a friend of mine put me onto Oprah’s Stanford speech. It resonated with me deeply, so this summer I took a keen interest in things she’s appeared in; especially the 1985 film version of Alice Walker’s novel where she appears as Sofia, a strong willed woman navigating the racialized American South of the 1930s.

Currently, I’m playing the broadway revival cast’s farewell to Heather Headley (who plays Shug Avery) on repeat. They serenade her with a rendition of the gospel song “I Won’t Complain” — watching her response and listening to their powerful harmonizing has made this song a fixture of mine lately.

The song’s lyrics itself are a testament to gratitude for the good things we have in our lives — things that we otherwise might overlook when our lives are not where or how we want them to be.

Personally, this year has been a year of tremendous challenge and change for me. My heart has broken in multiple ways and for many things I’ve lost along the way — loves, opportunities, homesteads.

But recently, I’ve realized two things.

The first is that, much like in Oprah’s speech; every time I was thrown into a crisis, I was both nudged back in the direction I needed to be in, and I learned something that I needed to.

For each time I’ve fallen on my ass this year, I have acquired a skill; whether that’s learning how to be a better communicator, to set healthy boundaries, to stand inside and for myself, to be authentic— each time, I learned how to radiate a level higher and grow into a better version of myself.

The second is that each time I lost something; a new, different experience took it’s place.

A friend of mine told me to imagine the opportunity we hold onto as a person, that as they are leaving; they open a door, and through this door, our next experience is able to enter into our life. They clean and clear the way for the next opportunity.

Thinking about this; I realized all the good things that have come into my life this year, and I sit in awe and gratitude of them:

• I have learned to love myself in the most essential ways possible
• I’ve met many amazing people whom I admire and love, and who have taught me many valuable life truths
• I’ve started writing again
• I’ve learned to advocate and stand for myself (a skill set in itself)
• I am wiser than I was a year ago
• Salmon bagels are a thing that exists in this world
• I’ve learned to forgive, and ask for forgiveness
• I’m clearer with my purpose, and how I can serve people with my gifts
• I’ve joined the amazing team at Ziversity as the Director of Community Partnerships
• I spoke at my first conference at Full Stack TO
• I am given the precious privilege of a new beginning every morning

I look around from this vantage point, and realize there is so much to be grateful for.

And in this gratitude lives my hope — the hope that tomorrow will be, for all it is, good.

So when I look around, and think things over, my good days outweigh my bad days:

I won’t complain.