How to — Raise Successful Kids?

Shelter-in-place Day 31. My wife, Taylor, tops off our glasses as we sigh through another mini-commercial on Hulu. She sits and starts flicking through an onslaught of new puppy and baby pictures on Instagram. I glance over. We lock eyes. She’s smiling ear to ear — “Look! Let’s get one!”

We’ve been married two and a half years and I’d be lying if I told you I hadn’t thought about children. Being a parent sounds great — passing on those hard-earned life lessons, feeling young and playful, expanding perspective through questions about things you take for granted.

BUT. There’s a bit of responsibility that comes along with it too. Your kids need to survive, be fulfilled and happy. They also need to be successful. Like really successful! Why else work our butts off for good jobs and fancy degrees. This is where I get antsy. How do you raise successful kids?!

Esther Wojcicki has all the answers. She’s mothered a CEO, founder, and doctor. She teaches journalism (and creative confidence) to over 700 students a year at Palo Alto High School. She’s literally written the book How to Raise Successful People. So what’s the secret?

Build trust through honesty and transparency

Esther summarizes her philosophy with a cheeky acronym: TRICK. Trust, Respect, Independence, Collaboration, Kindness. She explains that trust is the foundation of all relationships — even with little ones you may not expect to be socially attuned. Creating trust requires a foundation of honesty and transparency, adorned by a building of care, follow-through, and communication. Sure, our future little ones will get on our nerves. They will bother us on video calls or make a mess. And, especially now, they will get scared. If we forget to tell them that we’re scared too, our foundation might crack.

Model for your children and don’t take yourself so seriously

Esther says kids will mimic the adults around them. Whether it be dealing with failure or working as a team — it’s essential for parents, too, to be on their very best behavior. And ‘best’ behavior might be quite different than what you and I learned as kids. I learned always to try to influence outcomes. I should have learned not to take myself so seriously and to get comfortable with uncertainty.

Have super high standards

Esther’s earned many awards for Palo Alto High’s famous student newspaper. She attributes this to her exacting standards and willingness to push students to rewrite, rewrite, and rewrite again. With a foundation of trust and outward evidence that you have your kid’s best interest at heart, the sky’s the limit.

Create a team

What’s that? Putting such emphasis on success reminds you of helicopter parents and burn-out? Well, I think that’s true too. So does Esther. She explains the best way to prevent a lifetime of perfectionism is to create a team and have your kid collaborate with that team early. It creates a sense of shared responsibility, accountability, and safety.

In closing

It’s all pretty simple. Respect your kids. Care for them. Push them. And forget that silly saying: “Do as I say, not as I do.” I guess I should tell Taylor I’m ready for kids after all!

She must have seen the initial shock on my face and watched me wander through my thoughts. She laughed. Hysterically. She was talking about a dog.