The Real Work in Giving Apologies, and Why It’s Worth It
“I’m sorry” — two simple words that can sometimes be the hardest to say, but can also be the most impactful, as long as of course — you mean it.
Apologies come up in almost every relationship in life. From interpersonal relationships such as family, friends, partners, acquaintances, and co-workers to broader relationships such as company stakeholders, governments, etc. (I mean there are even entire firms that are dedicated to helping entities craft apologies and handle PR crises!)
Yep, pretty much everyone will have to deal with giving and/or receiving an apology. And when the time comes, being able to give an effective apology plays a big role in how you come off to people and how people will think of you/the entity you represent — AKA your R E P U T A T I O N. Given this, it’s imperative to not only know when to give an apology, but also how to give one well. As discussed in our class, this is essential for repairing and strengthening interpersonal relationships, moving forward, demonstrating maturity, and protecting your reputation.
Although there is no ‘one-size fits all’ answer to apologies, there are several components that can greatly enhance the quality of your apology and how it lands on others. Here are the most salient tactical tips I took from the latest session of my Reputation Management class that I hope are helpful as you think about the next apology you need (and hopefully want!) to give.
- Prepare: Do some introspection to give you clarity on your intent and goals.
- Know why you are apologizing: This will help you be more genuine in the moment, as well as ground you in why giving this apology is valuable to you and the other party.
-Understand why the other party feels wronged: Ask yourself, what did you really do? What were the circumstances the contributed to the situation?
-Reflect on your current state: Are you ready to apologize and give this person/entity your undivided attention? Do you have your emotions under control? If you have delayed the apology, why? How far will you go to make amends? - Act: Give the apology.
-Show sincerity. Give an explanation of what went wrong to create an opportunity for empathy, while also taking responsibility.
-Offer to repair the relationship: Express appreciation and listen to their pain with patience. This can go along way in deescalating the situation and opening the conversation to move forward.
-Look forward: Ask for forgiveness and commit to changing your behavior accordingly. As trite as it sounds, your actions speak louder than your words.
By following these guidelines, you are well on your way to giving an impactful apology that not only helps you move forward in a relationship, but also demonstrates strong character and positively impacts your reputation.
Additional resources recommended by Professor Kluger:
- Book: Art of the Apology: How, When, and Why to Give and Accept Apologies
