Since March, we have been thrown into a crisis of a scale that even my grandparents don’t even remember experiencing. We were uprooted from our familiar college environment to go back “home”, wherever that may be for each of us, and were left with an undefined amount of time to live in this new society that was very different from our normal life.
For me, this move was basically the end of the school year. Two of my four classes became optional, the other two required a few hours of work a week, and my club activities had pretty much entirely shut down. I had an extended break, and for many, this extended break never ended, with internships and summer plans getting canceled as well. Social life was non-existent for at least two months. It felt like the regular hamster wheel of life had come to a screeching halt.
I woke up one day at the beginning of quarantine with a sickening existential crisis. I kept thinking about how I had no real thing that I was required to do that day, and I had no reason to do anything at all. Usually, my daily drive to get up and get started came from the empty boxes on my todo list. I had class in the morning with required participation; I had a meeting in the afternoon for a club; I had obligations to others that I “had” to follow through on throughout the day. But, when I was at home with no homework due, no club activities happening, and no obligations, I felt at a loss for action.
It forced me to think more deeply about why I did anything at all. Without the actual hustle and bustle of daily life, I had no idea what I was doing. This took me aback since I usually was too active to even think about why I did what I did, as much as I tried. I now had a blank slate, and unlimited possibilities for what I could work towards (and I don’t just mean career-wise).
In my search to find what was truly worthwhile to do, what stuck out to me was reading the scientific recipe for happiness. I can’t find the specific place where I found this, but across different sources, the general elements to a happy life include (non-exclusively) 1) Exercise and physical fitness, 2) Sleep, 3) Human connection with others, 4) Doing things that make you feel productive/valuable to society or others. Figuring out how to spend my time always confused me, but this recipe made it seem so clear. Optimize for those four tenets, and you will be able to live an upbeat life!
I realized it wasn’t so easy, though, and even after the first few months in quarantine, I began spending more and more time on my phone, on Youtube, or just lounging around and less time reading, doing art projects, or doing anything meaningful at all. The longer COVID-19 dragged on, the more I got used to unfulfilling days.
Now, 5 months later, at the (hopefully) end of quarantine at home since I’ll be returning to campus, I still don’t think I have the recipe totally figured out. Some days I wake up feeling great about the possibilities ahead, and some days I dread the future and feel incredibly pessimistic about the direction the world is heading in. No one truly knows what’s going on, but at least being forced to examine life without a clear purpose has allowed me to think more about how I’m feeling when I have nothing to do, and not just about how I feel when I am engaged in endless activities. Thanks Kenny for nominating me, I nominate Sean Kim next, excited to see you all soon!
