SATIRE
Clapping Without Reading Was My Latest Ingenious Quarantine Hobby
And now I am on the run
Help! Angry writers are after me.
I’ve tried my best to explain that I am not their enemy. I just needed a new hobby as my tomato plants died from overwatering. You’ve been losing money, views, and read time, but that’s not my fault. I swear.
Yesterday I was threatened to be banned from Twitter.
Someone egged my parent's house the day before but only reached the lawn as they followed social distancing norms. Since I’ve been outed as the culprit, I haven’t been able to eat, sleep or clap.
Can you believe it? What’s the point of living then?
Adulting is hard.
You realize that Phoebe and Ross couldn’t have been part of the same social group. Watching teen romances make you sad, thinking of the good old days you never had. The internet is becoming less and less exclusive by the day, and you no longer have anything to call your own.
I’m 30 and not a millionaire.
Everything I do throughout the day is a trick to forget my misery. Just trying to remain alive here, same as you. Please, you’ve gotta believe me.
