I Still Feel Like It’s My Day One as a Writer Every Time I Take a Break
And I desperately want to change that
Writing after an un-sanctioned break is by far the most challenging part of my job. No matter how real (or imagined) the reasons, I still feel like a failure when I have to begin again.
My mind imagines that I am back at square one, the bottom of the hill, so to speak, and I have to start the treacherous climb again.
I compare myself to others on this platform who manage to write multiple articles every day. I think of the past version of myself, who was more productive and should have kept the momentum going. If I had to rate the magnitude of the fear and guilt I am feeling right now, I couldn’t. Some questions are best left unanswered, I guess.
All the work I put in towards accepting myself, beating the demons that live inside my head, and pushing myself to restart my career — as a writer seems to have come undone.
I feel so fucking miserable right now that I’m finding it difficult to put words to it. But I am sure as hell going to try.
Starting something new is supposed to be complicated. There is Anxiety about the unknown, fear, and doubt of our capability to go through with the task. And there’s also a looming threat of failure…
