SATIRE
The Ultimate Lazy Person Cold Coffee Hack for Bearable Mornings
Getting a jump start on 2023 summer trends
It’s 3:00 a.m. and I take a break from reading to stare at my ceiling fan. The window’s half open and my shirt clings to my body with a gluey salty sweat. Meanwhile in my uncluttered inbox, lies a promotional email from H&M, with pastel-colored cardigans — their new botanical spring collection.
It’s already summer over here!
I shout to an empty room, part angry and part yearning for some concept of seasons. The break enables me to focus on how gloomy my thoughts and subsequent writing have been lately. Could I make a sudden pivot?
While I’m unsure if I’ll make it through the month without air conditioning — a sickening idea in hindsight, the internet and its not-so-subtle promotional materials would have me believe that I should enjoy summer. Here are twenty new events to try out which will melt you but make for a good photo op. Beat the heat with this 33-step smoothie. Get beach ready.
I’m sick of these weather and reality deniers. And it gets worse every year.
Typically I would have found myself being dragged down a sandy anger filled pit. But last night was different. Maybe it was the pink moon, or the…
