Returning to Campus — For the First Time?
Can you return to a place you’ve never been? Annabelle Manzo, a second-year Scholar shares a little bit more about what it’s like preparing to arrive on campus and reflects on completing her first year of college through distance learning.
Written by: Annabelle Manzo, Class of 2024
With the upcoming return to campus this fall semester, many in the Class of ’24, myself included, will have the unique collective experience of “returning” to on-campus life… for the first time ever… while also being second-year students. We have now found ourselves in this weird middle place of being non-freshmen and freshmen at the same time. Instead of our first year being filled with in-person lectures, a bustling student life, and on-campus living, it was replaced with online classes, Zoom student group meetings, and childhood bedrooms-turned-classrooms. Due to this, the Class of ’24 will technically be second-years academically, but we will be in the same boat as the incoming first-years when it comes to navigating campus life. This transition from high school to at-home, online college was very challenging for me. I struggled with processing all the new changes and losses, having to turn my room into my own mini-GW, and experiencing “Zoom burnout.”
One of my hardest struggles was dealing with the repercussions and emotions that came with missing out on the remainder of my senior year and all the quintessential “moving away to college” experiences due to the pandemic. I felt like I had to quickly move on and forget about all the chaos and pain happening around me, while still having to meet the academic expectations of college; all without the proper time or space to truly grieve losing out on experiences I had dreamt of my entire childhood. I was a normal high school senior anticipating prom, graduation, and all the normal final goodbyes when the world turned upside down, and suddenly, I was a freshman in college. I felt so lost and confused.
I was still reaching back, grasping on to any last shred of high school I had left, trying to find some semblance of closure, while simultaneously being rushed into a new chapter of my life that I wasn’t ready to start. I felt like I was drowning in the pressures, pain, and grief, and I couldn’t seem to find my way out. It’s safe to say I did a lot of baking, rom-com watching, and ate a whole lot of ice cream. The way I was finally able to begin to move forward was by reflecting on that experience and internalizing everything it taught me. I was able to realize how fragile life can be, how precious time is, and how easily it all can be taken from us. I accepted the fact that those “lost” or “missed” experiences are simply gone, but that I now have the opportunity to create so many new amazing memories. I also realized that we owe it to ourselves to move forward from our pain and feel joy again because if we continue to dwell on the past and think of what should’ve been, it will only keep us from enjoying all that’s to come.
I also found that having the place that I rested become the place that I worked, all while adjusting to my family being under the same roof 24/7, was very challenging. I mean no offense to my family, but it is just not what I had envisioned for my first-year college experience. Although it was difficult figuring out all these new dynamics, having my family to rely on was helpful and comforting when I had rough days, and trust me there were plenty of those. For example, to help me cope with my new reality, my mom bought a George Washington University sticker and taped it to my door on the first day of school. She also went as far as to buy mini versions of the Washington Monument and Lincoln Memorial to set on my desk so that “I could feel like I was right there in DC!” and so that I could have a “great view from my desk.” Surprisingly, it did help, so thanks, mom! Overall, while there were some challenges with having to do school from my bedroom, having my family by my side helped to bring me comfort (and being able to wake up a minute before class and get there on time didn’t hurt either).
While the convenience of having my “classroom” be one minute away was nice, Zoom burnout was real. As the semester and year progressed, it became more and more difficult to stay engaged, make connections, and find the energy to participate in class –let alone get out of my pajamas. Signing on to class digitally every day and having all of my assignments on my computer, as well, was mentally exhausting and, at times, I didn’t know how I was ever going to make it through. The professors that somehow still managed to make lectures engaging and truly cared, like Professor Arena and Professor Mattheisen, made a world of a difference. If it weren’t for Dr. Schell’s “Humor of the Day” and Professor Smith’s engaging discussions in UW 1020 on my favorite topic, rom-coms, I don’t know how low my grades, much less my will to participate, would have gone. I am truly thankful for them and all other professors like them.
As for social life… it was essentially nonexistent. I made connections with my fellow Cisneros Scholars and found a family through the Institute, but it was close to impossible to make any real connections or form friendships in virtual class. Have you ever tried to form a friendship with a black screen on mute? It’s pretty rough, right? But I get it. I was that black, muted screen sometimes as well. We were all just trying to make it through our very intense mental exhaustion and come out of the semesters with decent enough grades and any semblance of sanity. However, I think because of the isolation and hardships we all experienced this past year we have an even greater opportunity to come together and make a conscious effort to connect and be more open with each other, redeeming the time that we lost.
That being said, when the university announced the return to campus for this upcoming fall semester, it made me hopeful and excited. But, after a year of uncertainty, anxiety, and loss, there’s another part of me that isn’t allowing for celebration just yet. I find that I’m still holding my breath and bracing for that email canceling it all. Even with a dorm assigned, the move-in date scheduled, and flights booked, I still can’t seem to fully trust that it will happen. I think part of this anxiety and hesitation I feel about coming to campus in the fall is the fact that it’s uncharted territory and nobody truly knows what this transition holds for us. For example, half of the student population that will be on campus, Class of ’24 and ’25, will have the learning curve of figuring out how to navigate the city, find classrooms and buildings, adjust to dorm-life, find the best places to eat, and discovering all the little things you learn from living on-campus. While the other half of the student population, Class of ’23 and ’22, were only on campus for a short period of time before everything changed. When they left campus, they were at the beginning of their college experience, and now as they return, they will have to readjust to being on campus while having the pressure of being in their last years of college. But I believe the key to our adjustment and overcoming those initial anxieties, fears, and insecurities is getting comfortable with the fact that we won’t know everything and being open and humble enough to ask for help when we need it. I think being able to rely on each other and show one another a willingness to ask, receive, and give help is how we will be able to rebuild our community.
So, while initially, it may seem as though there’s only one group “returning for the first time”, I believe that in a sense everyone coming to campus is returning to a place they have never been. The campus that was left a year and a half ago and the world that existed at that time is gone. In this past year and a half, we have experienced a lot of pain, grief, and loss. Some of us lost loved ones and couldn’t mourn them with proper funerals; some of our families lost jobs and financial stability; some were essential workers risking their lives to provide for their families. Regardless, we all continue to deal with the complexities and uncertainties of COVID each and every day. We live in a very different world and we have all become different people because of it, but I believe this unique situation creates a space and an opportunity for us to not try and go back to how things once were. Instead, we can embrace the change that has happened and put in the work to connect with one another and cultivate a campus environment and community that is better than it ever was before.
