Shy Beginnings, Bold Endings: My Path to Confidence
Living in a world where networking and communication skills are key, the transition from being shy to becoming an outgoing and confident person can be a real turning point. It is not something that happens overnight but a real journey of challenging your comfort zone, trying to overcome fears and bad habits.
I will not lie to you; it is not as simple as some people may try to convince you. They will tell you that overcoming shyness is straightforward, once you push yourself out there. The typical statement is, “You just need to talk more!”. However, shyness is often much more than just a fear of talking; it is more a sum of several insecurities and conformable behaviors that, when you start to face them, are not that simple to overcome.
If you are reading this and we have met each other in the last 8 years, you will be shocked to know that a long time ago I would have been the shyest person you have had ever met. Surprisingly as it seems, it is true: years and years ago I was not even close to the confident and extrovert person I am today.
Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a bit shy or reserved, especially when you meet new people or find yourself in new situations. Nevertheless, my shyness was beyond “normality”; it was holding me back from people and opportunities. The moment I realized that it was not a mere trait of my personality but an obstacle that I could remove, I knew that with a huge effort I would have found the courage to better my situation. Was I expecting to turn out this outgoing? Absolutely not, but here we are…
My first step was actually acknowledging my fears and insecurities. I slowly understood that my shyness was rooted in a fear of judgment and rejection. The fact of caring too much about what others could think about my opinion and ideas was consuming. Any time I had to interact with someone, I was questioning myself: “Am I worth it of being heard and seen?”; “What if I say something wrong or out of contest?”; “Does this person really care about me?”.
Now, you may wonder: How do we get to the point where I turn out to be really confident and an extrovert? Well, I honestly cannot tell you a specific day when everything magically changed, but I can assure you that there were some core moments in my journey that made the difference. The first one was absolutely the day I opened myself to the most important person in my life: my dad. I still remember his voice saying, “You became shy because you stopped believing in yourself. When you were little, you used to talk with walls, and now you barely interact with us.” These words devastated me, but meanwhile, they gave me the strength to concretely do something.
After a long period of self-analysis and reflection, my second main step was getting used to public speaking. Why specifically this and not just try to meet new people and talk freely with them? Well, even though at that time I was shy, I have always been determined and ambitious; in my mind, if I could talk confidently in front of my whole class or even at local events, everything would have been extremely easy. At the end, it turned out to be exactly like this, even if my first attempts were all about my shaky voice, me turning red and my brain turning off. Nevertheless, consistent efforts always pay off. Do not interrupt any journey in your life just because you believe it is too hard or because you have failed once. It may sound impossible to you, but the only thing that allowed me to get better was consistently pushing myself to try things I always felt uncomfortable doing.
What did I learn from this major change? The fact that there is a thin line between who we are and the limits we impose on ourselves. When people ask me if I did not feel like I was trying to become someone else, I answer that I was just freeing myself from some mental constraints I auto-created. I heard that we start realizing who we really are around our 40s, and in the meantime, we are totally free to experiment and challenge ourselves. I therefore exhort everyone who is struggling with timidity or self-doubt to fearlessly seek the path of self-discovery. Although the end point is unknown, the benefits are infinite.
