The Indian wedding extravaganza!
Disclaimer — this is how my family and friends celebrate/ have been celebrating such festivity. Tradition, custom and way of doing things can be totally different and/or influenced by other indian traditions/cultures.
Born from immigrant parents, far from my roots, I’ve always been fascinated with the colourful and rich tradition my parents were brought up with.
The spicy food, the vibrant clothing, music that keeps you up at night, the variety of tradition and customs among one country has always left me wanting more. I personally don’t think I have a single word, or if there is or if it is possible to explain the multicultural wonder that India is.
I could go on and on with the different festivities, religious traditions, types of food, lifestyle, however today I want to take you on a journey, the Indian weddings journey, especially in my households.
Being brought up in an “Italian-Tamil’’ culture, Tamil like Charithra Chandran, who played Edwina Sharma in my favourite series “Bridgerton”, the best ever heart trashing romantic show…hold up we should stop here, it’s my time to shine (even though she is so talented and beautiful)! moving on…
Where do I start now, okay, “Once upon a time” , no too clichè, ok maybe, “exhibit A and exhibit B were engaged”, no to scientific, umm… How do Indian weddings start?
According to my numerous aunts, Indian weddings start when the “supposed groom” comes to meet his future bride at her house. Nevertheless for technical reasons we assume it starts about a week and a half before the ceremony, with the pre-wedding traditions and festivities.
The first thing that each family does is decorate each humble abodes, inside and out, with flowers, such as: jasmine, marigolds and African daisies; then strings of vibrant lights adorn the house and in front of each house’s colourful rangoli are drawn (intricate and colourful designs on the entrance of the house). Both houses have coconut leaves “house/ huts” at the entrance, which symbolise prosperous and long living like the tree itself.
One major thing that changes is the planting of the tree in front of each house. The boy house has the plantation of the peepal tree, tied with mango leaves and banyan leaves. The peepal tree is smothered with haldi (turmeric paste) and kungumam (which is a vibrant red powder that is usually applied by women and it represents the respect and worship for the goddess Shakti and Lakshmi). This “plantation” represents that the boy of the house is getting married, it also demonstrates the leadership role he is going to take on and strength he’ll need to stand tall.
Whereas in front of the woman’s house a banana and palm tree is planted with the same haldi and kungumam, this is done because it shows that the woman of the house is getting married. The specific reason behind the choice of these plantations is to represent fertility and prosperous childrens like the fruits that grow on these tree.
Apart from these meaningful customs, since Indian culture has been rooted for centuries, originally the plantation symbolises that in a close knit village two people were getting married and starting a new life, that is the main reason behind it. Nonetheless this tradition has been passed down through generations!
See I’ve given you an historical fact, the more you know! Let’s move on, because there is so much more you’ve got to experience. The following days are full of shopping for colourful dresses, cooking aromatic food and preparation for the upcoming nuptials.
Two days before the wedding, the Haldi festival takes place. The Haldi festival is where the bride and the groom are in their respective homes, but in recent years many are held together. In both scenarios the bride’s and groom’s skin are anointed with haldi (turmeric) paste, sandalwood paste, rosewater, kungumam, peanut oil, flowers, flower garland, shikakai powder (dried seed pods of the Acacia concinna tree), betel leaves, and water with dry chilly and kungumam — the letter one is used for taking away all the bad energy. However, the girl gets to wear colourful bangles and toe rings (usually silver or gold) gifted by her uncles, this festival represents that the woman and men are ready for a new stage of life full of joy and colourful moments.
Hold up… it is getting too technical, religious, and meaningful, you might be asking where is the music and the dances?? Well, my friend let me not disappoint you!
During the Haldi festival the music is blasted in the entire house, hell in the entire street, dances here and there, people laughing and family members applying the paste on other members, which surely enough gets very messy and turns into a holi festival.
To calm everything down the next day, an incredibly important festival for the bride is celebrated, the Mehandi (hanna) ceremony. The bride’s hand and legs are decorated with intricate mehndi designs, this is done in the evening before the wedding, because the hanna is usually the brightest the day after an application — which has a meaning to it as well, a bright future life. But it is mostly done so that the bride enjoys her last moment at her mothers house, so to make it extra special, friends and family are invited where music is blasted, karaoke of old bollywood songs, food and booze is served, and dances are choreographed to celebrate the woman of the house.
On the day of the ceremony the bride and the groom won’t see each other till they tie the knot. All the clothes, ornaments, shoes of the bride should be brought by the groom’s family and vice versa this is in order to show that the groom belongs/ is a part of the bride’s family and so goes the other way.
The Kalyanam (wedding ceremony), since my family is christian, we celebrate it in church. During the mass, apart from exchanging rings that are brought the groom’s family, and vows, it is a tradition in all Indian weddings to exchange the Mangalsutra necklace with the flower garland that represent commitment, happiness, and excitement for new beginnings.
Once the ceremony is over, after the billion photos with family members, crying sessions and emotional moments the bride is taken to the groom’s home. Here people, I really had to scrape the bottom for information from my aunts, but nevertheless this is what happens. Before entering the house she has to kick a copper chombu (a weird shaped container) full of rice and enter the house with her left leg, it is believed that the furthest the bride kicks and the farest the grains go it the longer and prosperous life the couple will live.
After the grand entrance, the newly weds are taken to the pooja room, also known as the sacred room where all the Gods are displayed, here is where the bride will light kuthuvilakku (a traditional oil lamp) and incense, and fill the house with rich and holy flavours.
Finally the couple have to touch water, salt and rice which will be essential for their long life.
Then the bride and the groom go their separate ways to change into new dresses for the reception, usually the woman wears sari or lengha — a long skirt paired with a blouse and dupatta (scarf) and are often brightly coloured. The sari or lehengas are usually adorned with embroidery and gold jewellery. The bride will also wear a bindi (a red dot on the forehead) and in her hair partition that symbolises that she is a married woman. On the other end the groom will wear a tux or the sharwani, which is a long coat worn over a shirt and pants. It can be silk or cotton, embroidered embroidery, and gold buttons.
At the wedding reception there is a lot of music and dances, but the best part is the hot, flavourful spicy food. Many traditions have different dishes but the prominent ones are veg and non-veg buffets.
Let’s talk about non-veg platter, because why not, it usually consists of garlic or/and butter naan (flat bread), butter chicken or any gravy, two types of biryani ( a concoction of basmati rice, spices, fresh herbs, saffron, and meat of choice, usually chicken or mutton), kabab (chicken fried in spices served with lemon, mint and onion), tandoori (grilled chicken in a tandoor oven), white rice and dhal curry (lentil curry), raita (spiced yoghurt salad) and lots more…
Did you think I forgot about the desert? Nah not gonna happen, often many different kinds of desserts, such as jalebi (a sweet fried pastry) and gulab jamun (similar to fried donuts in sugar syrup) are served with ice-cream; and most of the time it has its own table. I know too much Indian food, but that is how we like it. Be happy I haven’t listed the veg platter!
The night is celebrated with lots of dance, good food, music and booze. At the very very end of the day there is the vidaai sendoff where the bride officially leaves her home to start a new life with her spouse, and the goodbyes are heartwarming and tearful during the ceremony.
The couple’s first night happens in the groom’s house, where the room is adored with jasmine and rose, fruits, and milk.
The next day the bride is brought back to her house for the dowry, even though it is not a compulsory “ritual” for the bride’s family. Most families give to the new couple household appliances, sometimes gold, jewellery and cars so that the bride feels at home and at her comfort in her new house.
Well, I think I gave you the whole shabang! Even though there is so much more that happens after the wedding. However I think this is more than enough, I’ve written 1718 words, WHAT! I couldn’t write a 200 word essay when I was in high school. This is called growth people, anywho, the key points to remember apart from the meaningful traditions is that Indian weddings are full of joy, music, laughter and booze. So if you get invited to one like Jennifer Anisten and Adam Sandler in the movie “Murder Mystery 2” please do go let’s hope you are not the suspect in a murder!
