Two Ears, but One Mouth

Listening is really important…

…because people talking is new information.

Often times, people talk about their views, their thoughts or their deeds. Sometimes, they tell you what they want to hear, themselves. A friend had been mentioning how she loved painting, and hadn’t painted in ages. And it was clear that she knew it, and she was bothered by it, but her telling herself didn’t seem to make it work.

I said it out loud, and told her she said it, and it seemed to strike her.

Sometimes people ignore or disregard themselves speaking to themselves — maybe they need to hear it from somebody else. And sometimes, if you listen, you’ll hear exactly what you need to say.

…because people want to be listened to, not just heard.

Twice this week, I’ve shut up and listened, and properly listened, bearing in mind the quote from Pulp Fiction:

“When in conversation, do you listen, or do you just wait to talk?”

I think a lot of people wait to talk. And sometimes, people want to be listened to. Everybody wants to talk — so in person, at least, it’s a Listener’s market.

…because being listened to and heard helps you develop empathy.

Two entertaining links, as reward for reading this far (see? Listening is rewarding):

Before getting to yes, strive for ‘that’s it’ — from an FBI negotiator

It all starts with the universally applicable premise that people want to be understood and accepted. When your adversaries say, “That’s right,” they feel they have assessed what you’ve said and pronounced it as correct of their own free will. They embrace it. … Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs.

And this clip from Robin Williams talking about the Great Power of listening:

Hey, listen.