5 myths holding you back from being the best mentor
Makings of mutually beneficial mentor-mentee relationships
“Initially, I avoided studying technology because no one who looked like me studied technology. I’ve never had an official mentor before. There are few black girls in technology, so having someone who has had similar experiences will motivate and reassure me.” — Rizel, Hack.Diversity Fellow at Hubspot
In creating the Hack.Diversity Mentor Network, we intentionally connected Fellows with role models who have passion for creating a more diverse and inclusive innovation economy. As expected, this facilitated the trust development pivotal to growth-oriented mentorships. What we didn’t anticipate is the impact to the relationship that small details contribute. Here, we bust some myths on what makes for a valuable mentor:

Myth 1: It’s a huge time commitment to be a great mentor.
If you’re available to meet weekly for hour long conversations about progress toward goals, great! But that is by no means the baseline for meaningful contribution. 95% of the communication throughout the Hack.Diversity mentorships are conducted virtually, through email exchanges, 15 minute phone call touch-points, or text chains. The key is being responsive to that communication. “My mentor [Miguel Bejar], usually gets back to me within a day. If he can’t get back to me quickly, he’ll respond to tell me he’s not available now and will get back to me later. I feel very supported because I’m never left wondering, and I never feel like I shouldn’t be bothering him.” — Abdul, Hack.Diversity Fellow at DataXu
Myth 2: “I know exactly what you mean/how you feel.” = Empathy
“Oftentimes mentors feel that they need to go in there to educate, but your job is to listen. You think you’ve got the answers but you don’t. You need to push mentees to reflect and help find answers for themselves.” — Chris Miller, Senior Product Manager at Hubspot & Hack.Diversity mentor
When a mentee brings up a difficult situation, your gut-reaction may be to address it head-on by sharing how you, the mentor, previously handled a situation you deem similar. However, especially if you’re mentoring someone who, like our Fellows, are in the early stages of their careers, it’s important to dig into the why behind any insecurities, uncertainties, challenges, and frustrations, not only address the situation itself. Inserting your experiences into mentees’ narratives too early can foster their perception that those feelings aren’t valid in the first place.
Myth 3: Praise is always welcome.
There’s a fine line between building your mentee’s confidence and being passively supportive. Mentees can quickly conclude that you’re phoning it in if your feedback to every progress update or request for feedback is some version of “that’s great/awesome/fantastic.” Moreover, it’s the response equivalent of a dead-end for progress. Next time you find yourself on the verge of providing such a response, ask your mentee to walk you through their decision-making process. Once you’re both on the same page about how this is value-added toward goals, make inquiries to encourage thinking about the next step.
Myth 4: A great mentor needs to be an expert in their field.
More than sharing what you’ve already accomplished, it’s resonating to share how you are continuing to learn all the things you don’t know. Especially in the rapidly developing tech industry, great mentors are ones who themselves are students, demonstrating by example how to seek challenges and resources to improve upon what they know and inform them on what they don’t. “The most valuable piece of advice I’ve received from my mentor [David Rodriguez] is to stay on top of aligning my skill development with my goals. My goal is to work in more technical roles, so I’m putting in time everyday to practice those skills. So far, I’ve learned HTML in a month, and I’m learning Javascript now.” — German Martinez, Hack.Diversity Fellow at Wayfair
Myth 5: Mentorship is a one-sided benefit.
You never know where your mentee will be, tomorrow or 10 years from now, and how s/he will be in a position to elevate you. Discredit these myths to be a mentor that your mentees remember to attribute their success to.

