10 Things I Want that Aren’t a Mentor
I confess, for a long time I was one of those people who said unquestionably that one of the main ways we bring Latinas up is through mentorship. The line of argument goes like this, “We need more Latinas in (fill in the blank) field, so that younger Latinas will see this example, and have the insider tips to navigate the system and make it.” I believed this message strongly, in part because growing up I didn’t know or see very many people who looked like me, who were aspiring to the things I wanted to do and become. I wondered how my life might have been different with these missing successful Latinas in my formative years. Would I have avoided hard lessons? Would I be more successful now?
Flash forward to the present. I am a junior professional, a millennial with one foot in the non-profit world and another in the startup sphere. I have a few women I call mentors, an incredible supervisor, a few “ride or die” family members, and a tight community I call my Mighty Mujeres.
Reflecting on what worked for me, what’s working now, and what I am hungry for moving forward, I have identified a host of other types of relationships that I want that aren’t necessarily mentorships. With this list, I do not mean to discount the value of mentorships, but rather offer a list of other beneficial relationships that I have come to value that can exist outside of formal mentorships. Moreover, I believe that the term “mentorship” has become quite broad, and a bit of a catch all. It is possible that what I am about to propose may indeed be part of some mentorship relationships. It might also be something else entirely; something less formal, but no less transformative and powerful!
Below is my list of the types of people and relationships I’m interested in forging a connection with as a millennial, professional Latina.
- Someone who is going to have your back. As Latinos, we all know what this means. We know those people in our family and friendship groups who have promised us through thick and thin that they will defend us, look out for us, and won’t abandon the situation when things get tough. Why is this important? Looking back, I’ve had a lot of “nice” relationships with other professionals. I know how to politely and professionally navigate. The turning point in many of my relationships came when I experienced a significant challenge in my personal or professional life. In those moments, some of my greatest friends and colleagues, met me in my challenge and stayed with me, guiding, encouraging, and supporting me through the dark times.
- Someone who is going to show up for you. My friend, Denise Soler Cox of Project Enye, once told me, “Find someone who thinks you are as great as you think they are, and then show up when you’re invited.” In the highly competitive professional world where everyone is hyperextended, everyone has 10,000 things they need to be doing. Find those people who you know are going to commit to showing up and supporting your thing, and then do the same for them. They think you’re awesome, and you think they are, so you show up to demonstrate that to them! It’s simple, but transformative.
- A navigator: Everybody needs someone who has gone before them to give them the lay of the land. Contrary to what is often thought about this person, we don’t need them just so they can share with us the path to success, but rather, we need them to tell us when not to give up. Someone who has gone before us, reminds us that there will always be bumps in the road, but if we persist, we will eventually get to where we are supposed to be going.
- A visible example: We need to see that someone like us tried it and made it. Visibility still matters. Yes, there are not enough Latinas in (fill in the blank) industry. We need to see the ones who succeeded, and we also need to be visible. A big reason I came out, was because I knew it was my responsibility as a queer, Latina to make it safe for younger Latinas to see that they are not alone, and that they can be successful by being themselves.
- A co-riser, not a competitor. As my amiga, @La_Tia_Brenda says, for millennial creators and entrepreneurs, “the era of being an asshole is over.” We need each other. Anything we do that is worthwhile will depend on the support from our community. And besides, it’s a lot more fun and interesting to do things together. When we’re having fun, we learn faster, we weather the challenges with more resilience, and we move our community forward more successfully.
- A confidant: I need someone who I get to let my hair down around (metaphorically of course, as I have short hair!). So often when we are leaders in our communities, we worry that we cannot be vulnerable. Who can I go to? If I show doubt, how will my team respond? Everyone needs someone to tell their worries and secrets to. Let’s be that for each other. No judgement, just be real.
- A sponsor: I want someone who is going to give up a little slice of their pie so I can have a shot, and in exchange I am going to pay it forward. I got my first break doing trainings for medical professionals because my supervisor subbed me in for her. She always told me “perception is reality”, and instructed me that until people saw me as a leader, my leadership potential would remain dormant. Her advice turned out to be true, and I now extend similar opportunities to peers outside of my network, and more junior staff who could benefit from having the opportunity to shine.
- An opportunity sharer: You know that friend, the one who is always telling you about an opportunity you should apply to, and then volunteers to go with you. Take that friend up on their offer, and then be that friend to someone else. One of my main Mighty Mujeres, Tariana V. Little, a self-proclaimed “conference crasher” and I frequently make plans to attend events and seminars together. We always make sure the other one knows about scholarship and funding opportunities, and between the two of us, we hardly miss an opportunity!
- A compassionate critic: We all need that one person who is going to tell us the truth, and we can accept their criticism because we know they have our best interest in mind. These aren’t the naysayers, nor the constant cheerleaders. These are the ones who want you to be your best, so they gently correct you and nudge you back on track.
- A never-let-you-give-up-on-yourself-er, a.k.a. “the pusher”: This is the friend who doesn’t let you feel bad for yourself for too long, but instead let’s you get your cry out and then says, “Let’s make a plan. You can do it, and I won’t let you give up on yourself!”
