Freshman Descends on Career Fair Swag

Shoving through a thick crowd of several harried-looking upperclassmen waiting to speak with a recruiter at a prominent tech company, local freshman Sam Green swiped several keychains and a water bottle into his backpack before belatedly handing an engineer his high school resume and running off.

“This is awesome,” enthused Green as he showed off his loot, which included several t-shirts he’d never wear again and a branded fidget spinner his friends would mercilessly mock him for owning. Ignoring the deadened stares of the upperclassmen around him, he continued, “I get cool free stuff and I can get an internship at the same time? I can’t believe my friends think this stuff is stressful.”

At press time, sources reported that Green had suddenly received an influx of rejection emails in his inbox from all the companies he’d visited at the fair.