Everyone is replaceable at work; not at home!
It’s not about finding a perfect equilibrium; it’s about finding harmony.
I received the blessing of becoming the father of Maria Isabel, who was born on 04/24/2023. Father of a girl. A new journey. Many lessons.
When I found out about Maria’s arrival, Theodoro was 6 months old, it was a Friday night. I was ecstatic, and Isabel, my wife, was terrified. Totally understandable, as she was just starting to get back to sleeping and getting used to the routine of having a baby in the family.
Since that day, I started to think: how much does school enrollment cost? And for 2 children? Where will we buy the layette? What will be the theme of the nursery? How much do I need to save to fit it into our personal finances? The questions and fears were endless.
The truth is, it will cost thousands of reais! And all of that, just so we can be amazed by the first smile, forever keep the Father’s Day drawing, and show the photos and videos to all our friends. The real, true truth is that being a father is priceless. It’s an eternal bond, an inexplicable love, and maybe one day, your children will have the opportunity to experience it when they become parents too.
And this love reminds me of two important things that I want to share with you.
You are not irreplaceable at work, but you are in your family
Those who know me personally know that I don’t believe in the separation of professional and personal life. Most people separate their “professional self” from their “personal self.” I don’t.
That being said, it’s also important for you to know that you are replaceable at work. Everyone is. The work environment, the company, can be replaced. A family cannot.
So, as a leader, stop treating the people on your team like family. Throughout my 15+ years of experience, I have had the opportunity to see respected and admired leaders referring to their teams as family. Don’t do that. You can’t fire your family and hire a new one the following week. It’s different from your work team.
I know you spend most of your time at work; I do too. The consequence? You create special memories, build relationships, and make an impact on the world in a way that only your colleagues can understand. Buuut, don’t confuse these bonds with family.
So what should you do and how?
I usually say that we build teams. High-performing teams, like those that win the World Cup or the Olympics. Our purpose is to have the best people, obsessed with achieving their goals like a professional athlete does.
As a team, we cultivate respect, empathy, a sense of belonging, joy, love, and fairness. This creates a collaborative environment where people feel emotionally comfortable and, as a result, deliver their best performance.
The harsh truth that leaders don’t talk about, but know, is that your role in the company is not unique or exclusive. Anyone can replace you. However, in your family, your role is unique and special. No one can take your place.
The famous golden ball
It was June 22, 2019, I wasn’t even married yet when I received the following text from my older sister. In a conversation, she was trying to explain to me the feeling of being a mother. I couldn’t understand it because I hadn’t experienced it yet. But I kept the text, and today I share it with you.
What I received through my father’s love,
I did not repay him,
for as a child,
I was ignorant of the value of the gift,
and when I became a man, I hardened
like every man.Now I see my child growing up,
whom I love so much,
as no father’s heart
has clung to a child.And what I once received
I am now paying back
to someone who did not give it to me
and will not repay me.For when he becomes a man
and thinks like men,
he will, like me,
follow his own path.With longing, but without jealousy,
I will see him repay my grandson
what was owed to me.In the succession of time,
my gaze witnesses, moved and content,
the game of life:each one, with a smile,
throws the golden ball ahead,
and the golden ball is never returned.
I have cried many times reading and rereading this text. The connection I have with my parents has significantly deepened after having my first child, and yesterday, becoming the father of Maria, even more so. It’s indescribable, it’s love.
“But Tiago, I’m confused. You’re replaceable at work and you have to value your family. What should I do?! Should I quit my job and live on love?” 😂
Well, my formula is personalized and works well for me. You need to find yours. I mentioned that I don’t separate personal life from professional life. It’s true. I’m here in the first early hours of Maria Isabel’s life, writing this text to share with you. Although it may seem like just a text about the birth of my second blessed daughter, it’s filled with leadership lessons.
I confess, sometimes I get really close to her to listen and see if she’s breathing. Whether it’s the second or nth child, the concern and love are the same.
And I write this text to share that life is fleeting. For 4 years, I know I’ll have my babies, for another 9 years, they’ll be children. At 13, they’ll be teenagers — and with God’s grace and good guidance, they’ll follow their own paths. So, cherish every moment, every school presentation, hold them in your arms when they get vaccinated. Watch them crawl, walk, talk. Be there when they fall and need an example to lift them up and move forward.
And your job?
You have a team. A high-performing team. You have built an emotionally safe environment. Rest assured that this team will support your need to leave early to watch a ballet performance or a soccer championship final.
My secret?
Give yourself completely.
When you’re at work, be there. Listen, pay attention. The most precious thing you can offer someone is your time.
When you’re with your family, be present. Put your phone aside and play with your children. Have a rain shower. Change diapers. Make breakfast. Pray together.
Remember, it’s not about achieving perfection or trying to do it all. It’s about being intentional and finding what matters most to you. It’s about understanding that both realms are interconnected and that finding harmony between them ultimately leads to a more fulfilling life.
So, let’s embrace the challenges, learn from our experiences, and continue striving for that elusive balance between our professional and personal lives. May we find the harmony that allows us to thrive in both realms and create a meaningful and joyful existence.
That’s how I go on, without judging whether it’s right or wrong, but always trying to get it right and learning from mistakes. And remember: you’re irreplaceable to your family.
