Building Youth Feminist Power with(in) Haiyya: My Dilemmas, Unknowns, Mistakes & Takeaways in 7 years

Disclaimer: It’s a long read! :) 7 years isn’t easy to document in short & crisp ways. But I have tried. Also here’s my introduction blog that tells my story a bit more in detail, in case you want to dive into this one before reading the piece below.

With 2022 we have entered another instrumental year towards our fight for justice, dignity and sustainability. Two years of this long pandemic & sufferings, systemic injustice & ongoing oppression in our face, collapsing democratic institutions & processes, and increasing impact of climate crisis — things do look impossible AND urgent! As the world changes rapidly around us; our bodies, minds and hearts are experiencing despair, hopelessness and fatigue in a very real sense. What then gives us the hope to go on? What then offers us the courage to show up? What then is the source of our morality? These questions have kept me thinking and up at days and nights. For some of us it’s a fight for survival & existence, for some of us it’s a fight for what’s right, for some about possibilities to live better, and for some it’s a fight to heal, repair & resolve (Maybe ALL for some).

For those of us who live at the shoreline, standing upon the constant edges of decision crucial and alone;

for those of us who cannot indulge the passing dreams of choice, who love in doorways coming and going in the hours between dawns;

looking inward and outward at once before and after, seeking a now that can breed futures;

like bread in our children’s mouths so their dreams will not reflect, the death of ours…….

(“A Litany for Survival.” Copyright © 1978 by Audre Lorde, from The Collected Poems of Audre Lorde by Audre Lorde)

Keeping my anchors, emotions, faith & curiosities at the center, I am now ready to talk about my biggest, longest and on-going love affair — Haiyya! :) Today we celebrate Haiyya’s 7th birthday and here’s a cute picture of our birthday cake!

Haiyya 2022: Who are we?

This is what I wrote almost a month back right after our team retreat!

THIS IS US!! We are Haiyya, a youth-led feminist team of 15 (the 16th will be joining soon) people based across different regions and state of the land. Each one fitting a crucial part of the puzzle we are constantly trying to bring together, that is YOUNG FEMINIST ORGANIZING POWER.

We represent gender, sexual, caste, class, linguistic, ethnic, religious and geographic diversity that allows us to build a new kind of power within the organization and outside through our work. We are survivors, we are fighters, we are dreamers and we are doers. We come from oppressed identities and oppressor identities trying to figure what justice would look like for us together. We try to teach, learn, repair and heal our space together so we can create a place where we can all belong together.

🙌🏾 We are bold, courageous, vulnerable, imperfect, flawed, and beautiful souls who are working hard every year. It is hard and it is definitely not easy in the middle of the pandemic. But we SHOW UP, physically, virtually, emotionally, mentally everyday every morning, to pursue this hopeful dream in a not so hopeful world! 🌎🗺

Building & Leading Haiyya — 2015 to 2021

7 years ago, I started Haiyya with the aim of exploring, reimagining and establishing a radical role of youth leadership & organizing in India to achieve justice, dignity and sustainability for all.

And it called for courage! Because we were (are) unfortunately living in the times where youth organizations were led, developed and governed by people in their 40s and 50s (many still are!). We now know people of 35+ yrs as — youth ally, youth advocate or youth worker. When Haiyya started out, we were one of the first and/or few ones to position ourselves and commit to being a youth-led organization. In the past 5 years we have seen a new wave of youth leadership across collectives, groups, organizations and movements. And to me, witnessing and being in this decade of radical youth uprising is nothing short of magic!

In our early years I had no idea what our future as an organization would look like, but I did know that Haiyya’s purpose has a place in this world, that it might be eventually shared and breathed by many, and that the future is young and feminist. Overtime our values, mission and strategy strengthened; and so did our public facing work, impact, internal organizational growth & development.

As we enter the 8th year, I am taking the day to pause and reflect on my leadership journey (walking alongside Haiyya’s) — some of my biggest dilemmas, unknowns, mistakes and takeaways of building youth feminist power with(in) Haiyya, as the leader of an evolving & learning organisation.

1. External vs Internal Work or Holistic Intersectional Organizational Development

For the first 3 formative years of Haiyya, I have personally struggled with the question of balancing the external public facing work vs the internal organizational structure, culture, resources and development work — what’s more important to the organization right now and where should my time, focus and skills go as a leader? I juggled, messed up, burned out while switching hats without clarity for good 3–4 years. Mid 2019, I realized that the question is still valid, but the framing & outlook of working in binaries of external vs internal won’t work for Haiyya anymore, in the context where the world is moving (so fast) and where Haiyya is positioned. For the organization, mission and people we represent and embody, the work had to be looked holistically and a better question to ask was — what core pillars and elements will build, run, grow and sustain Haiyya’s interconnected roots and future dreams? One of the lesser stated facts about building youth feminist power within the organization and with our people is that we have to reimagine and relook at the processes, systems and culture that is at the foundation of all public power shifting work.

As we lead and develop mission-driven collectives, groups or nonprofits, we can NO LONGER keep ourselves ONLY in-charge of campaigns, movements, programs, tech and money; and handover internal culture, processes and org structure work outsourced to HR & consultants (without deeper leadership involvement and work). That will eventually hurt our organization’s and people’s dreams and purpose.

2. Passion, Intention & Values+Strategy

One key differentiator that I have learned between building any kind of power vs just doing nice, humble and popular things is — there is clear, distinct and purposeful connection between emotions/motivations AND strategy. As a trained social worker and development professional, I know how much we love ‘niceties’ — a nice event, a nice program, a nice fundraiser, a nice poster, a nice conference, a nice training, webinar or hashtag etc. etc. Many of these nice and humble actions might have done some good too (no doubt). But we can’t fill in the gaps, voids and brokenness of our social structures, behaviours, beliefs and value systems just by doing public service, being humble and kind or by giving and receiving. This doesn’t mean they are bad or they shouldn’t be done, but they are not enough. True change doesn’t come from serving others, it comes from organizing — building power with others. And it demands more than just good intentions, it demands more than just a sharp and smart strategy, it demands more than digital engagement and good tech. It demands depth, authenticity, vulnerability and a purposeful community to do so.

While building a youth feminist powered group, it is imperative to develop the strategic capacity of our staff, volunteers, trainers, coaches, organizers, teams and constituencies to learn ‘how to’ identify, choose & plan interventions that build true, authentic and visible power. It is an on-going, challenging and deliberate practice to foster within, especially our leadership teams.

3. Navigating both worlds — world as it is & world as it should be

We want to live by, make choices and act upon our values (where values are experienced by emotions not logic). The same values that technically are missing and weak in the world we are living in, and youth feminist organizing work is all about asserting new public values — within our organization, people and outside as well. But we are still making these choices living in the surrounding and system which is ageist, capitalist, patriarchal, casteist and ableist. And there comes the leadership struggle, the uncertainty, the dilemmas, the power negotiations and the exhaustion of living in two worlds. I am not saying that as leaders and organizations we lose our agency and stop working towards asserting our values. But from all my Haiyya experiences of building culture, people’s capacity, taking decisions and choosing which funder, partner, client and communities to work with; I have felt that it’s never enough and that some dynamics will always be out of my control. It causes cognitive dissonance, frustration, solitude, self and mission-doubt. In fact as the year started out, I have faced two such circumstances in less than 6 weeks time. But the only way I have managed to resolve this inner and public tension within myself, my teams and work is by taking follow up actions, reflecting and learning; and not submitting to inertia, denial, cynicism or fear.

As much as I accepted responsibility to navigate both these worlds, it has (and will be) always been soul-sucking and energy-draining. But knowing and finding my battery chargers and moral compasses (people, resources, arts etc) and not letting the moments define me or lose myself has been important to me as a leader.

4. Power, Hierarchies and Structure — towards sharing & distribution

When I decided to institutionalize Haiyya and take the route of working as a nonprofit company, the first fearful (and unknown) territory for me was — POWER & STRUCTURE! I am sure many of my feminist and activist friends would know what I am talking about. I had two big fears around this in my early Haiyya years. The first, relatively easy and funny one — I am an organized person and I like structure, systems and lists; but the structures I have seen or experienced so far have been coercive and oppressive (work, family, school, etc). My second fear was, I come from a privileged & oppressor identity as a cis-het urban Savarna woman. If I take up formal power what does it mean for the values and mission of Haiyya? My journey with the first question was fairly easy than the second one. My engagement with organizing frameworks, practices, tools and mentorship made me understand the core relationship between structure/structureless-ness and hierarchy. I got convinced that in order for core values to weave into our functioning, structure is important — one which is rooted in interdependence, shared leadership, 360 accountability, learning & growth.

Jo Freeman writes, “Thus ‘structurelessness’ becomes a way of masking power, and within the women’s movement it is usually most strongly advocated by those who are the most powerful (whether they are conscious of their power or not). The rules of how decisions are made are known only to a few and awareness of power is curtailed by those who know the rules, as long as the structure of the group is informal”

The second fear and question was a bumpy, intense and a long ride. I don’t think it has ended yet, but I have found my anchors. My inner struggles and emotional dissonance were important for this significant question to start answering me. I know that I have a role to play in justice and my personal story gives me access to my own values, moments, experiences and dreams that I share with so many people, irrespective of labels and categories. This of course doesn’t replace the fact that my social and political identity matters in the dynamics. My very existence, my leadership, my formal role in Haiyya and my informal role in my team member’s lives will always carry my multiple truths, positions and identities. The other clear strategy for me here was to compensate for and work towards what’s missing in the team and ensure equity, diversity and inclusion starts with hiring people from oppressed identities and underrepresented backgrounds.

I know my role is to ensure that the conversations and impact of power within Haiyya isn’t diluted with superficial and simplistic definitions of ‘humanity/humanism’. But at the same time, I have to learn and build my muscle to create spaces, platforms and universes where people from different identities, backgrounds and power start to hear each other’s stories, learn to work together, combine and share resources, reimagine the impossible. Last but not least, step back & listen – and build young feminist power!

5. Design problem vs People problem

When you start, grow and continue working as a small team of 3 to 20/25 people, a lot changes as you multiply and a few things remain the same for small(er) teams. With team and community growth, changes are mostly around relationships within, formal and informal/visible and invisible roles, systems and process questions, and questions around inclusion, belonging and worth. One of the things that remains the same (almost) for smaller teams is that the system/design becomes synonymous to people who are representing them or occupying positions. So for eg, Aprajita (person)= founder & CEO (functional position) = organizational leadership (system/design/structure) of Haiyya. It is true for big organizations too but the manifestation of this is massively different in smaller orgs. The pitfall here often is to rightly understand, assess, evaluate and name — whether something is happening or not happening because of how the system/structure is designed or is it because of the people who’re occupying positions in that system? Or is it both?

This has come up as an important distinction for me for three reasons:
1) It allowed me to really understand and sit with the problem than going in spirals around structure, processes, systems and people and leading nowhere;
2) It’s made me think of interventions keeping positions and design of power at the core, than looking at solutions from individual/personal lens;
3) It facilitates people’s belief, trust, expectations and contributions to make design/systems better and make space for improved accountability (even if different people occupy positions in it)

6. What does a good leadership game-plan look like?

O boy! How long have you all been enquiring and PhD-ing on it too? :)

Like Haiyya, if one of your interventions is to train and build capacity of organizers, you and your team will start using all these leadership buzz words day in and out (like we do!). This is not to discount and dismiss away the fact that we do take leadership development and succession planning quite seriously in our team — as part of our coaching culture, performance and growth assessment, professional upskilling and collective learning. But having spent 7 years in shaping leadership development within Haiyya, I know of one thing for sure — building, sustaining and escalating leadership is darn HARD!

A few most challenging and ‘work in progress’ piece of the leadership puzzle have been:

1. Finding & developing the right executive leadership, senior leadership, and board/governance leadership at and for Haiyya — to be bold, brave, courageous and ambitious enough to put their skin in the game. In the past 4 years of my conscious initiation of this work, the challenge is to convert great individual contributors and professionals into leaders who have the capacity and motivation to go beyond their departmental, functional and familiar turfs. The other real issue is that not all great professionals can be senior/executive leaders. So far what’s emerging to me as important parameters for Haiyya’s future leadership are — ability to naturally think and ask transformative uncomfortable questions, capacity and knack to do/host complex negotiations and dialogues internally and externally, ability to step into all parties shoes and represent the right combination+solution, eagerness to break the loop/patterns & initiate new ideas, and muscle+intelligence to hold and create emotional healing space for the group(s) and individuals. Now last but utmost important, do they have the aptitude to coach, enable and create more leaders with agency and creativity.
2. Second one has been to create a leadership team out of and with experienced senior professionals. Despite best intentions, there are barriers to work effectively as a team for various reasons. A shining senior leadership, coaching and management teams are in sync, actively managing political issues and removing obstacles, have shared understanding and goals that go beyond their departments/roles and they can make an impact that no one else can.
3. The other one has been to create leadership strategies for more fluid, interconnected, decentralized and unexpected teams and committees to form and function. This kind of sporadic and short-term projects/assignments/tasks are important for new team resource combinations to emerge, old patterns to break and for more team cohesion
4. Building better collective team relationship with uncertainty, change, loss and difference. I am seeing reduced capacity to deal with the above in many groups and organizations like ours.

I am learning to make sense of all this and figure out — what it means to have leaders who recognise, own & exercise their agency, choice and learning; while at other times what it means to have leaders where intentional effort is needed to build, strengthen, and exercise the agency they have. When building a youth-led feminist organisation, both are important things to think, consider and account for.

7. Creating organizational boundaries vs wanting to do it all

I am sitting with this for the past couple of months, and more so when I discovered and started practising healthy boundaries in my own personal and professional spaces. I also feel that most often organizations absorb and embody personalities and traits of its core visionaries and leaders. And I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that, perhaps, Haiyya needs to create its explicit organizational boundaries — that can protect its mission, resources, people, culture and strategies. It might also help us figure out better what risks to take, what trade-offs to make and when; and not beat ourselves up for one thing or the other.

Organizational boundary for Haiyya would mean finding the right ‘synergy bubble’ between flexibility and rigidity.

8. After all this, what if it doesn’t survive — is it all on me then?

Intellectually I know, it is not all on me. But emotionally I do dwell in that fear and worry. This is me taking myself too seriously, so I am going to stop now and end the article!