My GAMSAT score was terrible… what now?
A Message From Our Head Of GAMSAT
GAMSAT results are finally here! I could not be prouder of each of my students who persisted through unprecedented circumstances to sit the GAMSAT in May. You each inspire me!
Some of you contacted me with fantastic news, relishing in the goals you have achieved and the excitement of receiving a score you are proud of. Congratulations, you’ve earned it!
But today I want to speak specifically to those of you who, for whatever reason, are feeling disappointed about your result. Perhaps you simply did not work hard enough, and are already thinking about the things you will do differently to prepare for the next time you sit the exam. But there is also a possibility you could not have been more prepared and, still, your score does not reflect how ready you were. Regardless of why you didn’t do so well, this post is for you: I hear you, and I know it’s hard. It’s okay to feel gutted right now, I completely understand.
“But Sarah, how could you possibly understand what this feels like right now?! You’re in medical school!”
I’d like to share a very personal, very real experience which entirely changed my perspective of disappointment. If you have attended my section 2 classes, you may already know some of this story.
I grew up, like many of you, riddled with perfectionistic traits and placing unrelenting standards upon myself. I had decided when I was 3 years old that I wanted to be a doctor and I knew deep down, even as a child, how difficult it would be to fulfil that dream. My heightened perfectionism revealed itself in many ways, one of which being an eating disorder I battled from as young as 8.
A lot of the typical enjoyment of one’s childhood and teenage years were robbed by my obsession with starving myself; I believed it would help me feel and be perfect in every way. The irony was that my facade worked like a dream, but I drifted further from self-satisfaction the sicker I became. To many people, I was ‘perfect’ (exactly what I wanted), but I was broken inside and my efforts never felt like enough. I spent a lot of time in hospitals and treatment facilities, but I kept going back to the comfort of my toxic, perfectionistic traits as soon as I was discharged.
When I was in my second year of university, two key events occurred which promised me the bright future I had been hoping for:
- A GAMSAT score within the top 1%
- A provisional offer into a medical school which did not even require a GAMSAT score, I just needed to complete my undergraduate studies
I remember the day I received my GAMSAT score and realised that I could finally do it. That I had made it, I would be a doctor! I could never forget that feeling if I tried. But, the painful reality was that my mind and body were far too unwell to progress in my studies. I had battled anorexia nervosa for over a decade and my body was struggling to fight it any longer.
I ended up being forced to defer my university studies, which included forfeiting my provisional medicine offer. This also meant that my incredible GAMSAT score would no longer be valid by the time I would be eligible to apply to medical schools. I spent over a year in hospitals fighting for my life and putting my dreams on hold, terrified that they had been permanently ruined. The reality of my illness was absolutely crippling not only physically, but mentally and emotionally as the dreams of my future literally slipped away in front of my eyes.
Anger, heartache and resentment were only the beginning of the emotions I experienced during that time. If you are also feeling disappointed right now, I am sure you are experiencing similar feelings toward yourself and your situation. I totally get it, and it totally sucks.
What I have learned from this experience is that seasons of disappointment and pain are a normal part of life; they connect us as humans and help us to appreciate the brighter times ahead as they come. And they will come. Through my recovery, I learned to be strong. I built resilience and cultivated self-love. I learned to value the lessons that come from making mistakes more than I valued perfection. All of these were essential lessons for me to become a good medical student and a great doctor.
My experience also guided me to the passions I have today; I am passionate about mental health advocacy and cultivating a positive culture around diet and nutrition. So much of what I have been through has defined my career interests and the opportunities I have pursued. Don’t get me wrong, some parts of my journey are not so pretty: for example, I have a chronic heart condition because years of starvation led to cardiac muscle wastage, and my bones are osteoporotic. However, I can recognise the opportunity this gives me to connect with my patients whose lives are impacted and limited by chronic illness. I can even empower them to chase their dreams despite their physical challenges. This is far more rewarding than being forever stuck in a cycle of self-deprecation and harm, and worth every disappointment and uncertainty I faced.
Likewise, your experiences and resilience will pay dividends in time. Perhaps this GAMSAT was not supposed to be your shining moment. Perhaps you still have things to learn and understand. Maybe that lesson is as simple as recognising that life can be confusing and unfair at times, and that perseverance will make you strong. Regardless of the lesson for you, I do not believe that anyone’s efforts ever go to waste. Wherever you end up in your life, you will be better off because you have worked through hard things and know how to apply yourself.
So, when people ask you how the GAMSAT went, it’s okay to tell them the truth. There is no need to feel ashamed or that you are letting them down just because you didn’t achieve the score you hoped for. You have let NO ONE down, including yourself. Be kind to yourself, experience every emotion you need to, and then move on.
There are some days I still hate my body or want to fall back into the ‘safety’ of my perfectionism. But just like my weight is only a number, so is your GAMSAT score. And becoming a good healthcare professional relies on so much more than a score. Remember that and be proud of yourself, regardless of where you are at right now.
Sarah
Head of GAMSAT, Halad to Health
P.S Always feel free to reach out: sarah@haladtohealth.org
If you need more GAMSAT support, learn more here.
