On Finding the Balance Between Being Present and Productive

I felt lost. Anxiety and worry were the only consistent things to my day.

I worried about not getting done what I needed to do, while at the same time worrying that I wasn’t a present mom and wife. I didn’t have the mental space to be able to be present in my tasks, my parenting, or my marriage. Have you felt type of stress too?

I can clearly remember living in the weeds. I was in the new mom phase and I didn’t know what was coming or going. I couldn’t tell you what was coming up on our schedule that week or month, let alone what I was making for dinner that day. I felt overwhelmed by housework, by meal planning and prepping, and I didn’t know (or want to know) what was going on with our finances.

There just seemed to be so many balls to juggle, yet at the same time, I was berating myself for not being able to handle it all. If that’s you, too — I hear you. It sucks. Plain and simple. There’s so much to do, so little time/money/energy that the overwhelm just paralyzes you. You don’t even know where or how to start.

Looking back, I realize that even before I became a mom, my husband and I were not living intentionally — we weren’t paddling our canoe in the same direction. Before kids, we managed to keep things moving. But without strong practices in place, when kids were introduced life suddenly became so much more unmanageable.

We were keeping things afloat, but it was taking So. Much. Work. And mistakes would happen or to-dos would slip through the cracks, which just showed us that the life we had wasn’t really solid — all it would take is a big gust of wind to tip us entirely over. That’s not a fun place to be in a partnership, as a parent, or generally in life.

I wanted to be productive, yet at the same time feel like I was living my life on purpose. I didn’t want to just idly bounce from one perceived essential to-do to another, grasping at the moments and memories that I knew wouldn’t last forever and too “busy” to fully enjoy them. I wanted to be productive and present in my life.

Slowly and surely, over the past 6 years, my partner and I have started to intentionally live our life together. We made the decision to face the same direction. We know where we’re going, and we’re intentional about it. We’re able to enjoy the ride too; watch the scenery, relax with each other, and to truly be mindful not only of where we’re going but also mindful of the journey along the way.

I’ll break down the small steps we made towards improvement in the next post, but if you’d like to hear our story before then, listen to our latest podcast episode on Where to Start.