A Trainer’s Story – Meet Xena

As a trainer, what motivates Xena are the youths that she works with. So far, she has spent a total of 2,472 hours with youths and within the 2,472 hours that she’s spent with them, she realised that every youth has their own background story to tell.

We’ve all probably heard of the 10,000 Hour Rule by Malcolm Gladwell (or the popular pop song “10,000 Hours” by Justin Bieber). As Gladwell tells it, the rule goes like this: it takes 10,000 hours of intensive practice to achieve mastery of complex skills and materials. With that rule, I’m approximately 24% there as a trainer and these are the insights that I’ve gathered so far from my experience with the youths.

1. Every youth has a story to tell

“Why do you care about me?” this was one of the most common questions I get from the youths that I work with and their replies makes my heart sink. I once had a student who was a long-term absentee and came back to school only in the final two months. Let’s call her ‘A’. My fellow facilitators got to meet ‘A’ in the previous session and they highlighted to me that ‘A’ might need a little more support as she always seemed dismissive towards everyone. During one of the training sessions, ‘A’ came into the class to drop her things off on the table and walked out of class announcing, “Cher I go toilet”. After leaving, she went missing for the next 15 minutes. I walked out of class and was shocked to find her sitting at the end of the corridor using her phone. I walked up to her and sat beside her while attempting to start a conversation. She kept giving me one-worded replies which made it clear to me that she wanted to end the conversation. Frustrated by my questions, she blurted out, “Even I don’t care about my life, so why do you care?”. She said it in a displeased tone but I could feel the sadness in her words.

From there on, I made it a point to pay more attention to her and provided her with the support that she needed. We talked about her story, life after Secondary School, her goals and areas of interest, and also set up action steps for her to explore and work on. As I spent more time with her, I realised that she was a fast learner. When I finally got her to start working on a business idea, she managed to finish it within two sessions. Her idea was a dance studio specialising in Malay dance, and she decided to name her business after her older brother who had left home. She said, “I hope that if I make this happen, I will get enough publicity so that my brother will take notice of us and come back home.”

As I spent more time with her, I realised that she was a fast learner. When I finally got her to start working on a business idea, she managed to finish it within two sessions. Her idea was a dance studio specialising in Malay dance, and she decided to name her business after her older brother who had left home. She said, “I hope that if I make this happen, I will get enough publicity so that my brother will take notice of us and come back home.”

‘A’ was not the only unique case. I had a separate experience with another youth, and let’s just call her ‘T’. She had a group of close friends and was always the ‘loud one’ in the group. However, somewhere along the year she was ousted by her group of friends and began isolating herself after. She eventually stopped showing up for virtual sessions and that was when I realised something was up. The facilitators and teachers deduced that her absence could be a sign that she was just seeking attention.

Later, she showed up for a virtual session and I took this opportunity to check in on her. I was greeted by a similar question — “Even if I don’t care about my life, why do you care?”. I found out later on that she was earning money on the side to pay for her dance classes as she did not want to burden her parents financially. We began talking about her dreams and explored conversations about her future. I asked her this, “In the future when you become a mom, how would you feel if your kid was skipping lessons to earn a side income?” From there on, she quit her side hustle, and came clean with her parents and began to attend lessons more regularly.

2. Youths are often misunderstood

My first ever training was with a class of 15-year-old students. During that training session, there was a group of boys that came into the session 10 minutes late. They were drenched in sweat and had a peculiar grass smell — my guess was that they were playing soccer before this. As a trainer, I had to point out their tardiness and reinforce that it was not acceptable. One boy in particular, ‘Z’, ignored my comments and went straight to his table to sleep.

I shrugged it off and continued with the training. I told every student in the class to keep their eyes closed as I asked “How many of us here believe that we are leaders? Could you please raise your hands”. No one raised their hands. I proceeded with the next question, “How many of us here want to try being a leader?”. A few hands popped up and to my surprise, ‘Z’ raised his hand too. This showed that even though he appeared to be sleeping, he was actually listening and paying attention to me, and I remember feeling touched after witnessing this.

After completing four sessions with this class, it was time for me to say farewell. At the end of a training or workshop, students are usually required to fill up a feedback form. When my co-trainer and I were collecting the forms, the students came up to us and said, “You must read mine okay?”. ‘Z’ also came up to me and told me that he had created a new question in the feedback form.

“The Trainer was…
(A)…
(B)…
(C)…
(D) Family”

A whole bunch of students saw what ‘Z’ wrote and rushed to take back their forms to add that question. Among their responses they also shared comments like, “Thank you for sharing your stories, it made me realise that I’m not alone.”, “Thank you for helping my classmates and I realise that we are a family”. Those four sessions that I got to spend with the youths felt like an eye-opener and they taught me so much. While I was honoured that they included me as part of their family, it was my privilege to be able to journey with them to help them see one another as each other’s support — as family.

3. Youths are looking for worthy role models

Many youths that I work with tend to take it upon themselves to make the right decisions, and when their decisions don’t turn out the way that they expected it to be, they tend to blame themselves. I hope that as trainers, we can be good role models and soundboards for the youths to support them and help guide them in the right direction.

The heartaches, the warmth, and the hopes these youths carry is the reason why I do what I do. For those who were impacted by my story and would like to get started on volunteering, find out more here. Every small action from us makes a significant impact in the lives of youths, so start volunteering today!