AmazonBasics Launches The Adult Starter Kit

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON — Amazon has just launched a new product aimed at the ever-important yuppie demographic — the AmazonBasics Adult Starter Kit. The AmazonBasics brand has been traditionally been associated with low-margin commodities like cables, batteries, and laptop stands. But for the first time, AmazonBasics is bundling together products into a single package intended to ease the transition from the sheltered microenvironment of school into the harsh, uncertain world of adult life.

Amazon has been able to leverage its incredible collection of user data and shopping habits to determine what adults end up needing, buying, and thinking about late at night alone about anyway. The Starter Kit contains a menagerie of items ranging from basic necessities of living outside the dorm — like tables, chairs, cutlery, and the ever-popular bed in a bag — to adult mainstays like a one year subscription to TurboTax, a shitty rando roommate found on Craigslist who has a bad habit of leaving dishes in the sink, and a free informational booklet with casual questions like “What are you doing with your life?” and “Are you happy?”

The starter kit was available through Prime for same-day delivery upon launch, but according to the Amazon website new orders now have an estimated delivery time of 2 years due to “unexpectedly high interest in this product.”

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