“Car Break-ins Part Of The Sharing Economy,” Argues Veteran Window-Smasher
TREAT AND ALAMEDA STREET, SAN FRANCISCO — In an interview with Halting Problem earlier today, veteran window-smasher Trevor Jackman argued that car break-ins are part of the sharing economy, no different from what tech companies like Airbnb, Uber, and Lyft do. “I was evicted from my apartment a few years back because my landlord wanted to convert our building into Airbnb-s,” he said. “After that, I decided that I wanted to participate in the sharing economy too. I like to think of myself as an entrepreneur.”
For many car owners in San Francisco, getting your car window smashed is akin to a rite of passage. The SFPD estimates that an average of 70 car break-ins happened per day in 2015, nearly triple the rate in 2010.
Mr. Jackman, who lives in a blue and black tent in one of San Francisco’s many homeless encampments, has claimed to have smashed hundreds of car windows already. He says that his favorite cars to break into are the ones which have signs on the windows asking not to be smashed. He has spent the last year trying to make it as frictionless as possible for San Francisco car owners to opt into his “service,” which he calls Smashing.ly.
“The same way that Airbnb ‘shares’ the gift of higher rents and evictions galore with local community members, car-owners can now easily ’share’ their possessions with the underprivileged of San Francisco. All you have to do is park your car on the street and leave something in your car — whether it’s a high-end items like a laptop or cellphone or the basic essentials of life like groceries and warm outerwear, we are more than happy to smash your window to get at it. Hell, we’ll smash your window even if you don’t have anything in your car!”
“I like to think of it a form of charity from the more fortunate of the city to the less,” said Mr. Jackman. “Noblesse oblige, if you will.”
When questioned about the legality of his service, Mr. Jackman was confident that regulators would see the light. “It’s not like anyone at Airbnb is getting thrown in jail for violating short-term rental laws. The way I see it, window smashing is just as legal, judging by how little the SFPD seems to care.”
At press time, Mr. Jackman was busy at work expanding his business. His next idea? Setting up a “gentrification tax checkpoint” on 7th and Market so commuting techies can share the contents of their wallets with him too.
