Disturbed Serial Entrepreneur Arrested For Aggressively Pitching Startup To Passersby
A disturbed man growth hacked his way into jail today when he was arrested for aggressively pitching his startup to passersby, according to a spokesperson for the Palo Alto Police Department.
The man, hovering outside the Coupa Cafe near University Avenue, tried to convince people to quit their jobs and join him as “cofounders.” He repeatedly referred to himself as a “serial entrepreneur,” a term that is normally used to describe founders whose previous companies all failed.
An eyewitness told us that the somewhat scrappy-looking man had attempted to explain his incomprehensible business plan to the eyewitness. “He promised me that his startup would be making $10 million in revenue within a year. He also said they would be losing money at first, but that they would make it up in quantity, which makes no fucking sense.
“He kept saying ‘we’ when he was talking about his startup, but I’m pretty sure it’s just him.”
The final straw came when he grabbed the sleeve of an elderly woman who he thought to be a venture capitalist and began to babble about “iterating quickly with agile methodologies to build a minimum viable product that achieves product market fit,” prompting nearby police officers to intervene.
As he was shoved into the back of a police car, he reportedly screamed, “You’ll regret this when we become a unicorn!”
