Google Employee Furious At Reduced Non-Caffeinated Tea Selection

BUILDING 48, GOOGLEPLEX — Upon visiting his building’s microkitchen for a morning snack after a long ride to work on the GoogleBus, employee Rohan Prakash was furious that there were “only two flavors of non-caffeinated tea today instead of four like there were yesterday.” Mr. Prakash, who appeared visibly agitated, was seen and heard loudly interrogating the nice lady who refills the snacks and drinks.

“What do you mean you don’t know what happened to the other flavors? Every single morning, first thing when I get here, I have non-caffeinated tea with a raw granola bar and Greek yogurt,” said Mr. Prakash, a middle manager at the search conglomerate with approximately 20x the salary of the contractor who cleans the coffee machine. “How am I supposed to work without Peach Passion or Mango Madness?”

When the snack lady suggested drinking one of the eleven caffeinated tea options from the same fridge or walking 150 feet to the next microkitchen, Mr. Prakash angrily retorted, “You can’t be serious. I guess this shows how much the Googs values its employees,” before storming off to a sprint planning meeting in the building ball pit.

As of press time, Mr. Prakash was seen eating lunch with a friend at one of the 28 free cafeterias run by Google. He was reportedly plotting to leave for Dropbox, whose Michelin-star winning cafeteria is known for its lunchtime coconut-milk-in-actual-coconuts and acai-bowls-in-melons, because they “treat their employees like actual human beings there.”

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