Google Expands Health Services After Deluge Of Hoverboard Accidents

Google has announced that it will be providing expanded healthcare coverage to its employees after a massive uptick in hoverboard-related injuries. Many teams and employees at Google began purchasing the devices after the holiday season, when hoverboard fever swept the world. The craze was epitomised by a hoverboarding priest, a Mike Tyson wipeout, and scores of spoiled children complaining about not getting a hoverboard for Christmas.

If you wander around Mountain View today, you’ll see groups of Googlers hoverboarding from building to building in Google’s massive campus, the Googleplex. One would expect that working at a tech company would be pretty safe. Yet scores of employees have been injured in hoverboard accidents ranging from spontaneous battery combustion to falling and breaking a limb. A Senior VP of Search Ranking was reportedly almost hit by a Google self driving car as he was replying to an email with the Gmail app on his Android phone whilst riding his hoverboard.

Such a phenomenon is not unique to Google. Offices of pre-dot-com-bust AOL and Yahoo featured employees zipping around cubicle farms on Razor scooters. During the early days of Facebook, a spate of injuries caused management to clamp down on Ripstik boards, provoking much grumbling among employees across the company and the creation of an “Interns Falling Off Of Ripsticks” Facebook page.

Google’s management is not considering a ban on hoverboards, dismissing such a move as “un-Googley.” Instead, Google will be expanding their in-house medical team, hiring an experienced ER surgeon, in addition to their current philosopher in residence and head neurosurgeon. Google X is reportedly examining the possibility of creating a GoogleBoard that would be safer than current hoverboards and would gather location information on its users to improve the quality of Google’s targeted advertising.

As of press time, a sign has gone up by the entrance of Building 43 emblazoned with the words:

“DAYS SINCE LAST WORKPLACE ACCIDENT: 0.”