SF Man Stabbed While Brunching Bystanders Did Nothing
A man was stabbed in broad daylight on Sunday as brunching bystanders stood by and did nothing.
The attack occurred outside Soledad, a popular brunch spot in the Mission that is famous for its Bloody Marys. According to eyewitnesses, the victim had cut into the brunch line in front of the suspect. The suspect and the victim engaged in a heated altercation. The suspect then drew a knife and attacked the victim before fleeing on foot. Other brunchers in line were reportedly shocked but did not intervene, and responding police officers were not able to arrive in time to apprehend the suspect.
Brunch is serious business in San Francisco: lines for some popular establishments stretch around the block. Most places don’t take reservations, forcing even rich and entitled San Franciscans to wait in the same line as the common masses of slightly less rich and entitled San Franciscans, and leading the latter to devise increasingly clever solutions to skip the wait.
One witness that we interviewed used to attend church on Sunday mornings, but gave it up to go to brunch places with her girlfriends. She and her friends saw the attack and “would have called the police, but there was no cell reception where we were standing and we didn’t want to lose our spot in line by wandering around the block just to get better signal.”
“Seriously, the wait for Soledad on a Sunday is at least three hours. I wasn’t going to miss those Bloody Marys just because some rando got cut for cutting in line.”
As of press time, the suspect is dangerous and still at large. An SFPD spokesperson described the suspect as a tall 20-something white male sporting a “hipsterish” beard and suffering from severe affluenza. The spokesperson also advised citizens to remain calm and report any suspicious activity through the new SFPD mobile app, now available on Android and iOS.
The Chief of Police has also reportedly asked the city council for additional funding. He announced that he would use the money to send officers to fancy brunch places in order to “protect San Franciscans from additional brunch-related violence.”
