Husband: (speaking to wife) My dear, I have just mixed 3 grams of plutonium with some ice cream, swallowed all of it in one spoonful, and expect I have not long to live. Please share with me your feelings in our last moments together.

Wife: So, what you are trying to tell me is that we had ice cream and you had some without asking me if I might like any. You are a selfish, ungracious, oblivious, inept and abysmally inadequate human being.

Husband: I’m a what?

Wife: Don’t try and make this about you.