Your First Amendment Right to a Haircut is Under Seige
Supreme Court will hear suit, Shorn Again Resistors v Pate
“The Constitution, the Bill of Rights, the Collected Works of Hank Williams and most every T-Shirt with a flag on it, clearly states — You can have congress but cannot be abridged of assembly. You can wear your gun outside your pants for all the honest world to see. On weekends, you have the right to drive with an expired license. Article II powers are absolute. Access to barbers is guaranteed by the I-95 Interstate Commerce Clause. In the Illustrated Edition of the Federalist Papers, Thomas Jefferson is clearly depicted using a Blow Dryer. Access to Health Care is strictly limited by the secret Amendment 11 and 1/2”, Lead Attorney Mary-Kate Olsen said today while rallying supporters on the lawn of the Supreme Court Building.
“This pro-Hippie, liberal, do-nothing, skulldudgery cannot stand,” she continued at roughly $650 an hour. “There’s clear precedent in Dreads Scott, Barber v Seville and that whatever case was that said a person didn’t have to make a cake for people who just needed a trim”.
The Court will hear Oral Arguments soon. A Decision is expected shortly after the matter becomes moot. And Justice has decided that wearing that blindfold is voluntary.
