The Really, Really Nuanced View on Masks

Sit with me while I spin a captivating yarn of true love, Covid-19 masks, and international terrorism that spans two decades. This yarn will incorporate dramatic historical events, cutting edge medical science, proletariat freakoutery, media bias, social media “fact checker” tampering, social superoganismic behavior, and brand-new additions to the English language itself, such as “superorganismic.” And by the time we’re done with this yarn, you may finally be privy to my personal headspace on masks, which is that mask mandates as currently implemented do almost literally nothing against Covid-19, but we should all wear them anyway.

The yarn begins when I kissed my late wife at the threshold, on the winter solstice of 2001.

Part One: Exploding Shoes

When my wife and I got home from the wedding, we were understandably exhausted. Barely had time to appropriately pack the wedding dress into its requisite storage box for decades to come, when our future daughter might maybe wear it. The next day we slept in and packed. That night we went to watch the Lord of the Rings movie du jour, which I have very strong and uncomplimentary feelings about to this day. The following morning we flew out to Belize.

From Hartsfield Atlanta International Airport. By way of Miami International.