White Guys Are a Bunch of Wimps: Prove Me Wrong
Religion. Politics. Racism. Sexism. Gender. Pretty much anything you shouldn’t talk about around the nuclear family’s dinner table.
Like you, I want to understand why someone would find these conversations uncomfortable? Like, sexism makes me uncomfortable, too, but the difference is that I can’t ignore it, I live it.
Based on entirely anecdotal evidence*, I have found that the closer someone is to the top of the privilege hierarchy, the less willing they are to have a conversation they find uncomfortable.
Why? I hypothesize its because these people can entirely avoid uncomfortable anything and everything to do with sexism, racism, and other prejudices in their day to day life.
They can also avoid it in conversation with other people upon request. The worst part is that afflicted people respect their request to change the topic, despite the fact that it is a burning issue in their lives.
I am then confronted by a meta-dilemma of my own creation: If someone high on the privilege hierarchy avoids a discussion out of discomfort, does that reinforce the hierarchy? If an oppressed person initiated the conversation, and obliges to change the topic, are they, too, reinforcing the hierarchy?
Likewise, if a straight, cis, white bloke is unwilling to have a tough conversation, and the people around him kindly allow it, are we all reinforcing the status quo? Shooting ourselves in the foot? Stifling social progress?
To anyone finding this conversation-about-a-conversation uncomfortable: Do not underestimate the influence and power you have.
I want to encourage you to trail-blaze a generation of white dudes that are willing to not only have that conversation, but initiate it. This is especially important if you have no idea what you are talking about, because admitting ignorance and a willingness to learn is worth so much more than you can imagine.
I know it sounds nit-picky, but like anything, the more we talk about our mistakes and attitudes, the more likely we are to avoid repeating them.
As a concluding statement, I want to point out the fact that I started the previous sentence by apologizing for being nit-picky for standing up for myself is exactly the problem.
Before I even speak, I am already acknowledging the covert prejudice that I assume I will be held to for being a woman. I won’t be taken seriously. I’ll be annoying. I’m just overthinking.
This, dear men in my life, is oppression that colors my life. It trickles down through everything I do and say and experience. Women (among others that have not been mentioned for brevity’s sake) do not give you a hard time because we are cross with you, we desperately need you to consciously and deliberately take a stand with us.
Be aware. Be deliberate. You are strong and capable.
*I want to design a study to explore this further. If you want to get involved, please get in touch.
