Three powerful lessons I learned in 2018

Previously, when a year came to an end, I would begin composing my New Year’s resolution — the more tortuous and impossible to achieve the better.

Come January, I would inevitably be grilled about my resolutions and noticed a peculiar trend. Each question retained a sharp edge, to burrow deep and root out which resolutions involved the most pain and suffering. Hence, revealing their competitive nature and my dislike of ‘winning’ this post-Christmas ritual.

On reflection, my vows born in December never lasted beyond the month of January. Ironically, they contained very little resolve.

More importantly, they did not actually help me to implement any real change in my life. So, what was the point?

For me, it has been much more beneficial to pause, look back and reflect when a year comes to an end. Below are three powerful lessons I have learned in 2018.

1. The importance of self-love

All my life I have had an urge to help people. My younger self would try to help those around me, to the detriment of my own well being.

I would try so hard to be a good friend and take the time to give really good advice. I was seduced by the martyrdom of it all.

The problem with putting everyone else’s needs first is that my own needs do not get tended to.

I had it completely backwards.

I must first tend to my needs and show self-love before I can really help another human.

This is often confused with being selfish. I disagree.

I need to make sure I am ok first. If I do not put myself first, my issues and neuroses will eventually seep through and poison or taint my selfless act of helping.

2. The power of mantras

I used to think that mantras or positive affirmations were quite frankly a lot of nonsense.

How can chanting a statement or word repeatedly change anything in my life?
Absolute piffle I thought.

Then I read about Scott Adams, the man behind the comic strip Dilbert and how he implemented affirmations into his life.

His technique spoke to me as it was straightforward, simple and pragmatic.

He focused on something he wished to happen in his life and formulated this goal into a simple sentence. Every day he wrote down his goal or said it to himself out loud. It did not seem to matter if he wrote it or verbalized it. He did this 15 times.

In Scott’s experience when he put out his goals into the universe, it began to spit out opportunities.

I decided to try this technique and felt utterly silly at first.

How did I incorporate his technique?
During my daily runs, I repeated the affirmations. I liked creating this tiny space each day to focus on my goal.

Has it been helpful? Repeating my affirmation cements the idea in my mind. Words have the power to create their own reality. To repeatedly tell myself that I will achieve my goal, gives shape to the outcome.

Has it changed my life? No, not yet. However, I have noticed subtle changes.

Usually, at the point where I get frustrated or give up on my goal, I have been able to persevere or adapt. It has strengthened my inner resolve.

Will these affirmations actually lead to me fulfilling my goal? I will keep you posted.

3. The importance of self-worth

I have been trying to lose weight for probably as long as I can remember.

I would begin an intense diet or exercise regime, get good results for a while but ultimately nothing stuck.

This year I stumbled upon a key reason why I continually get derailed.

On some level, I believed I did not deserve it. This manifested itself in a behaviour of overeating and lack of being disciplined with food.

Since I began to change how I think, I have been able to obliterate my tendency to overeat and bizarre emotional binges.

My relationship with food has radically changed. If I do eat a little too much or indulge in unhealthy choices I simply move on and try to choose better. This is sustainable and has reduced my stress and anxiety around food.

What have you learned in 2018? I would love to read your comments below

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A virtual hug to you all, wherever you may happen to be! I am truly grateful to all those who take the time to read what I write. Thank you and I wish for you a very happy Christmas.