The Fantasy Novel
In which a construction worker who hates her job decides to quit and become a fantasy author.
1. int. coffee shop. night.
JULIA sits with her laptop open in a booth, her dark hair pulled back in a ponytail, and her glasses on. PENNY approaches, wearing high-visibility workwear, and puts her hard hat on the table before taking a seat.
PENNY
You sure I can’t convince you to come back? We could really use another pair of hands on-site. And I imagine you could use the cash.
JULIA
You ask me every time, and every time my answer is the same! I had to get out, Penny, it was killing me. Writing is my passion, and it feels so right to be doing it, you know?
PENNY smiles sympathetically at her friend and squeezes her hand.
PENNY
I know — and I couldn’t be prouder of you.
JULIA
OK, so, please tell me you read it, I want to know what you think! I couldn’t think of anyone better to give me feedback — and don’t hold back just cause we’re friends!
PENNY
Of course I read it. The story was (pause) interesting.
JULIA
(Defensively) I mean, it’s not finished yet, you know, there’s still lots to do, and I’m still researching a lot. (Pause)
What did you think of Calidore, the Wizard?
PENNY hesitates, uncertain.
PENNY
Well, I don’t know his backstory, so I don’t understand his motivations. I felt like most of the chapter was about him struggling to build a pre-fabricated tool shed for some reason?
JULIA
(Oblivious) And?
PENNY
OK, another part, when the cave troll burst in, right? I was expecting them to start throwing down — but instead, he just gave Calidore an infringement notice because the handrail on his front steps wasn’t compliant with the local building regulations.
JULIA doesn’t understand the critique. She speaks up in defence before PENNY can continue.
JULIA
But then the Elven army from the Enchanted Forest of Aborea showed up!
PENNY
Which would have been cool, except instead of an epic battle, they were put to work by the Arch Mage on constructing a granny flat — so the Elven King could rent it out to some backpacking Goblins and exploit a loophole in tenancy legislation!
JULIA looks puzzled, and PENNY smiles kindly at her.
JULIA
(Sheepishly) Well, in the next chapter, I was going to try something a bit different.
PENNY
(Expectantly) Good, that’s good! What’d you have in mind?
JULIA
Queen Ophelia discovers that there’s a secret cavern in her castle, which is the lair of a 2-headed dragon guarding a mystical treasure.
PENNY
OK, now we’re getting somewhere. What’s the treasure?
JULIA
A magical re-zoning permit that allows the Queen to build up to 10 stories of units on her block, which would dramatically increase the market value.
PENNY
(Smiling, through gritted teeth) You’re a natural!
