The Job Swap
IN WHICH A NEW REALITY SHOW GOES HORRIBLY WRONG.
1. int. television network boardroom. day.
A creative group of men and women sit around a table. They’re discussing new pitches for television shows.
DANIELLE
OK, how about this? It’s like “Wife Swap” for jobs. We’ll call it “Job Swap”.
Murmurs of agreement around the table.
KAREN
I’m listening. Pitch it.
DANIELLE
Prime time’s newest reality show: JobSwap. Then a voiceover says “Ever wondered what your life could have been if you’d chosen another career path? For a whole month, ordinary workers get the chance to try on another career for size.”
Then it cuts to clips that are kinda funny, like, maybe a vet has to be a butcher, or a social media influencer has to do any real job.
KAREN
Love it. We’ll have it out in time for Winter. It’s gonna be a hit, Danielle.
2. int. courtroom. day. 6 months later.
DANIELLE and KAREN sit at the front with their lawyers. The crowd is made up of a number of young creatives, tradespeople in workwear, and sharply dressed executives.
JUDGE
Well, I think we’ve heard enough. It seems to me that your studio had a complete lack of foresight and was utterly negligent when it was deciding who to involve in these so-called “Job Swaps”. There was no appropriate process in place to avoid just this sort of disaster from happening, and you failed to adequately train each party for the roles they were to perform.
I don’t know whose idea it was to have a group of construction workers swap jobs with the Privacy and Personal Data team at Facebook, but there are millions of people who do not find it entertaining programming, I can assure you! Every lawyer in the state has seen my nudes now, goddammit!
We’ve seen this isn’t an isolated case, either. There’s numerous cases filed against you for negligence.
Footballers swapping with psychics, prison guards with Wal-Mart staff, gym teachers with actual teachers — it says here you even made the seal trainer from the zoo swap with a rehabilitation nurse!
It almost sounds as if you just picked the two professions which seemed most different and hilarious, then swapped them.
DEFENCE LAWYER
Your honour, if I just might –
JUDGE
You most certainly might not, I’m the judge here. See this wig? Means you gotta listen to me. Where was I?
(pause)
Right, poor writing. I think the only way to properly punish you for the damage you’ve caused is through dramatic irony. It is my verdict that your entire staff shall be forced to swap jobs with the sanitation department for no less than 5 years. You want to write garbage? Now you’ll have to clean it up.
Eh? How’s that? (self-satisfied smile)
Better bang the ol’ gavel to make it official.
Suddenly, the courtoom doors explode open. The POLICE CAPTAIN storms in, followed by the Police and reporters. The courtoom is in a commotion.
POLICE CAPTAIN
(Yelling) STOP THIS MADNESS!
JUDGE
What’s the meaning of this? Court is in session, Cap’n.
POLICE CAPTAIN
Ladies and gentlemen, I have to stop this hearing immediately. That man is not an actual Judge!
There’s an uproar from the crowd. The defendants look at each other.
JUDGE
(Nervously) That’s preposterous, of course I am. Look at my wig!
POLICE CAPTAIN
The real judge is in Hollywood, on the set of an Adam Sandler Netflix original movie about a used car salesman who finds an enchanted toilet.
That man (pointing to JUDGE) is an actor who’s still on “Job Swap”!
JUDGE
Well… I was just doing my job. I think I make a pretty good judge.
DANIELLE
Oh yea, you had me going.
