The Value of an Okay
It’s not as if my parents ever made my sister or me feel that we were truly mediocre or average in what we did, but growing up, nearly everything that we did, completed, or achieved received a resounding “ok” stamp of approval (or complacent approval) from Mom and Dad.
We tried our hardest to meet our parents’ standards, generally succeeding in our efforts to get straight As throughout school, top three (akin to a podium finish in the Olympics) in our Chinese school’s class standings, as well as our Chinese speech and writing contests, for every single year from kindergarten through graduation. No matter the efforts, of which my parents were plenty aware and supportive, however, largely everything gets a nod of approval but no praise, no social media shoutouts or rewards as some parents have taken to doing. My parents were not about to dole out cash for a straight A or a cell phone or dog or material good for doing what was expected of us. No, sir.
To be completely frank, in writing this book, I sought out my dad’s approval when he served as a parent-turned-editor. Like any child, I simply wanted his approval, for him to say that he was proud or that he enjoyed reading my work. What I got was: “For a school project, it’s okay. I think you have a lot of room to improve on; look at all of the feedback that I left you.”
In writing this book, however, I realized the same held true for many of my peers, for fellow comrades in surviving the upbringing fostered upon us by our immigrant parents and their standards.
“It was always about why is that not a 100, or what can you do to get to that 100?” shared a friend.
“I was never going to be the kid who was rewarded for doing well,” confirmed another. “Me getting As was kind of like the bare minimum.”
Good grades were practically a given. Doing well was not supposed to be the pinnacle achievement of our academic careers; instead, success was an expectation, a standard to be met because our parents knew that we could do so, given enough work, encouragement (forceful or not), and diligence.
The value of an okay, to all of us children of immigrants, meant that success was a path that we should always continue trudging along, setting new benchmarks on our trek up to perhaps an eventual summit. Success, to them and to us, does not comprise an end goal. Success has never been a perfect semester of straight As or an internship offer for the summer; along this road of always learning, studying, and pushing ourselves to be harder, better, faster, and smarter, okays fuel success instead of complacency. An okay drives immigrant children and parents to never settle or rest on our laurels — good can be better, and better can best — and that is the true value of an okay.
