Staying A Couple While Traveling
Daily Blog #3 — Keeping It Fun
I’m going to keep to this daily writing challenge, but I’ll be real: we have an early morning tour of the Budapest markets tomorrow and after staying up till 3am last night to get out a post, I would really like to sleep. So this will be short, sweet, and to the point on something that comes up from time to time.
How are Ian and I are doing on the road together?
No, it’s not just one of you asking. It’s several. And no, don’t worry, I don’t take it personally. It’s one of those good neutral questions that people can ask since they may have no idea where we might be at the moment on our 6 month adventure and at the end of the day, they care about the two of us more than the plate of incredible food we just inhaled.
If you Google traveling together as a couple, the internet will spew forth a veritable cornucopia of advice columns and blogs. There’s Top Tips on how to communicate while traveling, how to help set expectations, and even how to prevent divorce after a prolonged trip. (I’m not kidding — that’s an article out there so you know someone not only had that experience, but then had to write it up and somehow enough people are searching for it to be a result. Go figure.)
Why do I know this? Well, because I obviously read up on it before I left because A) I’m that person and B) if I’m going to have insomnia before a trip, I might as well get something useful out of the hours of 2 to 3am.
The reason often cited for the strife is not only the stress of new places and experiences, but also the sheer amount of time. Outside of sleeping, most couples might spend a grand total of six hours around one another each day. In comparison, Ian and I are together from 8:30am until 11pm at night. Unless we drift apart in a museum or I wander away to take photos, we’re not too far from one another. I decided to go to the market by myself the other day and realized I kept looking around for him absentmindedly between the milk and yogurt aisle.
After 95 days on the road together, I’ve discovered I didn’t really need any of that advice. Sure, we’ve had some interesting discussions on the road, but like at home, we’re both pretty mature about identifying when there’s something wrong and making time to communicate about it so the fights that have occurred have been generally tame and quickly resolved.
Two reasons I cite for this:
- We give each other space: From the start of our relationship, we’ve been able to do completely separate activities while in the same room for hours and not talk to one another. Occasionally you’ll hear me ask how to spell something or he’ll ask if I can grab something while I’m up, but to be honest, we’re in completely separate worlds and we’re totally okay with that. I know some couples who can’t stand it and I don’t know how they manage it. If I had to find interesting things to discuss with Ian all 15h waking hours of the day, I think his inner introvert would run for the hills screaming. So we read, we write, we put on headphones and jam out all while blissfully ignoring the other. After a couple hours, we’ll make a polite noise to alert the other of our desire to commune and make our way from there. It’s all very Victorian somehow.
- We still do date night
But isn’t every night while traveling kinda like date night?
No. It’s not. Some nights we cook in and watch Rick and Morty. Most nights, we’re just eating together while talking about the travel logistics we have for the week or some nuance of politics we really need to rant about. Just like at home, dinner isn’t always something special.
Date night is when you make an effort and for us, it’s when we talk about the good stuff. The dreams, the fears, and the future. You put aside the traveling and you remember that you’re also a couple who will exist long after the return flight home and the snapshot reel.
Tonight was date night and we celebrated with a Hungarian Wine Tasting in the depths of a Dominican Cloister ruin inside of a Hilton Hotel. Candles, the musky scent of old stone, a very posh sommelier with such a strong accent I barely understood anything, and a flight of wines for a couple hours helped us get over the heat of the day. We followed it up with Italian food and a late night walk around Matthias Church being cute with all the other couples. It’s a splurge for our budget, but a necessary one. It helps us leave the stress of traveling, flights, and Top 10 To See lists behind for a night and remember why we picked this human being over any other in the world.
And it’s those reminders that help ensure you don’t maim one another later on while it’s 100°F, your shoulders really hurt from carrying a bag, and your partner just told you they made a wrong turn and you have to walk back three long blocks.
In short, we’re doing great and thank you for asking.
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