“You’re a dude, babe!”
Me: “I hate my sister. Why does she have to be so girly?”
Neighbour: “Why? What’s wrong with being girly?”
Circa 2005. I was a tomboy. Tan, dirt, shorts, tees, Harry Potter books, sports, dance, cartoons, WWE, F1 racing were my life. My sister, polar opposite. Played with kitchen sets and barbies, watched daily soaps with grandma, wore my mom’s lipstick, loved salwar kameez and skirts.
For a 10 yo, I was in gigantic dilemma. I started finding answers to “What’s wrong with being girly?” Shockingly, I did find an answer to that question.
Here’s what being girly means:
-Beautiful
-Loves barbies
-Loves pink
-Wears skirts
-Likes kitchen sets
Now the real question, what’s wrong with being girly?
-Beautiful aka no brains
-Loves barbies aka delicate
-Loves pink aka weak
-Wears skirts aka fashion lover aka no brains
-Likes kitchen set aka not ambitious
This was my hilarious attempt at proving myself right when I was 10ish years old. And as I grew older, my friends were people like me — boys or tomboys. I would get access to all guy secrets which no girly girl would get. Hell, I was even proud of it until I realised how stupid that was.
I have heard,“You’re a dude!” a lot. Hell a lot. For my beer chugging skills, for being aggressive, strong, ambitious, competitive, argumentative, blunt, gaali giving skills, et cetera which are traditionally associated with a guy. I have also heard, “Stop being a pussy!”, when I was too afraid to sit on the edge of a 19 floor tower; “Stop being so sissy” for crying while watching a horror movie, and comments like that. Back in time, being called a dude felt like a compliment while these days, it’s a curse. It’s because of the taboo created that normal women can have these traits. I’m quite sure women are not alone in the chaos. Men confront it too. Imagine being forced to earn for the family when you love building/taking care of home. Or, even worse, being shamed for doing so.
Now, the most important question — what makes me a woman?
My vagina. Nothing less, nothing more.
Do I want to be a man?
No, I can’t give up multiple orgasms and the ability to bring a whole new person in this world. Although, life would be way better without period.
Those are the only things that make me a woman.
Here’s the thing: Casual sexism is way too common. The worst part is, the world seems to be okay with it.
Turns out, I’m not. I try to do my bit:
If someone curses, I go explain the meaning to them, thereby demeaning the value and making them embarrassed. For example, the reply to “Stop being a pussy!” becomes “Technically, it’s where you came out of and is one of the strongest part of humans. How can you curse to be stronger?” and then give them something better and common to both genders, “asshole”. They shit. Shit is gross and it perfectly fits — “Stop being an asshole!”
Another example: “That’s so slutty”. Easy-peasy. Have the person define “slutty” and the conversation will kill itself.
Another thing I did was stopped calling just girls by babe, baby or bitch. I call my guy friends the same while calling my girlfriends dude or man. None of it is gender specific now.
Time is needed for these changes to take place. And it’s clearly not a one time thing. Make it a conscious habit. Even if something wrong spills out, apologize and stand up for it. In the end, it does make things better.
