Carmelo Anthony Dreams of the Rockets
Remember when Slim Thug recruited Dwight Howard on Twitter? Turns out, he was secretly planting the seeds for Carmelo Anthony

I had an epiphany the other night . . . Carmelo Anthony is 100% getting traded to the Rockets at some point this summer.
Sorry Damian Lillard and CJ McCollum — Melo isn’t waiving his no-trade clause to go to Portland and help the Blazers become the worst defensive team in NBA history. Sorry LeBron James — the Banana Boat would probably catch on fire in Lake Erie if Melo went to Cleveland anyways. Sorry to any other team that thinks it has a chance to acquire Melo — because he’s heading all the way down to the H at the bottom of the map: Houston.
My epiphany occurred while I was listening to a Spotify playlist that I had made a couple of years ago. I hit shuffle and the first song that started playing was the immortal Still Tippin’ by Mike Jones featuring Slim Thug & Paul Wall.
Now, I’m guessing most readers don’t have Still Tippin’ permanently stuck in their heads like I do — so I’ll give you a quick chance to familiarize yourself with this H-Town Anthem that doubles as the epitome of why there’s a market demand for RapGenius. Seriously, it’s an enlightening moment when you finally understand what a phrase like “Barre sipping, car dipping, Grant wood grain gripping” actually means.
Anyways, this song came on, and it made me remember about the time Slim Thug recruited Dwight Howard to Houston in 2013 (you can see all of his tweets here) — he sold him on the price of living, the fame and the women. A few days later, Dwight signed with Houston.
It all seems so simple when you put it in those terms.
Perhaps it’s because Howard flamed out in Houston, but Slim Thug has been noticeably quiet the past few summers. Why?
And that’s when it hit me . . . he doesn’t need to tweet at NBA players anymore — he already did! @DwightHoward was merely a placeholder for future stars. Slim had a message he needed to get across to NBA players and tweeting at @DwightHoward was the perfect vehicle for doing so. He probably didn’t even like Howard (no one does), but Howard happened to be the biggest free agent considering Houston that summer.
Little did we know, Slim Thug was playing chess while we were playing checkers. He knew that there would come a time when another star would have to choose between Houston and another city and he wanted that star to know that Houston already had a Big 3 in place for him. No, not a Big 3 in terms of superstars, but a different type of Big 3 that would be enticing to a player like Carmelo Anthony: Money, Spotlight & Strippers.
See — if we substitute @carmeloanthony in for @DwightHoward in Slim’s 2013 tweets, it all becomes clear — these tweets were always intended for Melo.
Money 💰
Melo loves his money — maximizing his earnings has been his top priority his entire career. Well, according to Slim, Houston should certainly help him save money:
We real out here u can buy a big ass crib for cheap ill throw u a few assist on [chicks] make your next move your best move G @carmeloanthony
~ Slim Thug (@slimthugga)
- Looks like Melo will be getting assists from Chris Paul, James Harden and Slim Thug in Houston.
A bottle of rosé in a Houston club is $250 max in LA $1000 befo taxes and gratuity @carmeloanthony
~ Slim Thug (@slimthugga)
We both got babymamas @carmeloanthony do u know that they only get 20% in Houston it’s wayyyy worst in LA
~ Slim Thug (@slimthugga)
- I hear Slim Thug interned at Woo Tang Financial.

Spotlight 👑
Melo loves the bright lights, loves the fame and loves the notoriety. Thankfully, Slim’s got those parts covered too — Melo will be living a “Boss Life” in no time.
A @carmeloanthony dat boy @JHarden13 out here living like a king
~ Slim Thug (@slimthugga)

- Fact: James Harden just had his name retired in a strip club.
- Melo likes this 👍🏾.
Strippers 💃
Finally, we all know that Melo is a very philanthropic man when it comes to exotic dancers. In fact, he thinks so highly of the profession that he decided to father a child with a stripper while still married to La La Anthony.
Have u ever been to @dreamshouston or V-Live @carmeloanthony??? LA ain’t got strippers like we do
~ Slim Thug (@slimthugga)

- Oh, there’s a 💯% chance Melo has been to Dreams before.
And if all of the above wasn’t enough to convince you that Melo was going to Houston, then ask yourself, Why has Melo been working out in full body sweats (including a hoodie — I guess there’s no need peripheral vision when you never pass) all summer??
Answer: He’s preparing for that scorching Texas heat.

