James Harrison: Agent Double 0-92
The newest member of the Patriots is probably a Double-Agent…but Bill Belichick already knew that before he signed him
James Harrison, a legendary linebacker who will likely be inducted into the Hall of Fame as a Pittsburgh Steeler is now a member of the New England Patriots. Wait, what!?!? As Antonio Brown put it, “I done seen it all 👀.”
Immediately after ESPN’s Adam Schefter reported the signing, the internet of takes started to develop on Twitter: “The Pats are just using him for his intel.” “How could he screw over the only franchise that that ever gave him a chance?” “Why would the Steelers let this happen?” “He’s a double-agent for the Steelers!”
Even one of the least woke NFL writers on the planet, Sports Illustrated’s Peter King, wrote “we can assume there’s something under the surface here. I just don’t know what it is.” As Vince Lombardi once said, “What the hell is going on out here!?!” (Hint: if you’re focusing on the James Harrison signing itself, you’re missing the big picture in all of this).
Lucky for you, The Has Been Sports Blog is “very much woke” (shouts Kyrie Irving) on this matter and has you covered. Here are the facts:
Timeline of events:
- January 22, 2017 — Patriots crush the Steelers 36–17 in the AFC Title Game
- March 1, 2017 — James Harrison re-signs with the Steelers
- September 10, 2017 (Week 1)— Rookie linebacker TJ Watt gets the start over James Harrison and excels with 2 sacks and 1 interception
- September 17, 2017 (Week 2) — Harrison is a healthy scratch from the lineup
- October 15, 2017 (Week 6) — Harrison plays only his 3rd game of the season and collects a game-clinching sack (his only sack of the season)
- December 8, 2017 — Harrison tells NBC Sports’ Michelle Tafoya that he wouldn’t have re-signed with Steelers if he’d known he wasn’t going to play much
- December 10, 2017 (Week 13) — Harrison pays homage to injured teammate Ryan Shazier by warming-up for a game with no shirt on (this doesn’t really have anything to do with the rest of the article — I just wanted you to see how scary he looked)
- December 17, 2017 (Week 14)— Patriots beat Steelers 27–24 in a much-hyped, highly-controversial game in Pittsburgh
- December 19, 2017 — Steelers sign former Patriot running back Stevan Ridley (🤔)
- December 24, 2017 — Harrison is cut by the Steelers. Both sides agreed that it was an amicable split
- December 26, 2017 — Harrison signs with the New England Patriots (🤔🤔)
- December 27, 2017 — Maurkice Pouncey and other Steelers players blast Harrison saying he “erased his own legacy” as a Steeler
Those are the facts. Now, here are the conspiracies theories.
Is James Harrison merely trolling the Steelers?
Pittsburgh sports radio host and self-dubbed “Super Genius” Mark Madden certainly thinks so:
Verdict: No way — Mark Madden is a fat f*%k who looks like this and refers to himself as the “Super-Genius”. . . so excuse me for not siding with him.
Is James Harrison secretly a double-agent for the Steelers?
Are the Steelers finally the ones playing chess while the Patriots are playing checkers? There’s a couple factors at play here. Let’s go through them:
The Bengals factor: The last time Harrison left the Steelers to join a rival — the Cincinnati Bengals — was in 2013. That season, the Steelers went 8–8 and missed the playoffs, but they gained some valuable intel on the Bengals, their below-average coach (Marvin Lewis) and the uncontrollable nature of their defensive stars Vontez Burfict and Pac-Man Jones. Harrison played so poorly for the Bengals that he retired until the Steelers picked him up part way through the next season.
Strangely enough, the Steelers are 8–1 against the Bengals since Harrison returned in 2014, including a miracle playoff victory in which Steelers’ coach and former teammate of Harrison’s, Joey Porter, goaded the aforementioned Pac-Man Jones into an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty that set up the Steelers’ game-winning kick. Was Harrison a double-agent for the Steelers in 2013? 🤔
The Patriots factor: Anyone remember Headsetgate? Remember when the Steelers traveled to Gillette Stadium for the NFL’s opening game two seasons ago and had their headsets tampered with (the headsets played the Patriots’ radio broadcast instead of allowing the Steelers to communicate)? Remember when Mike Tomlin went off about this after the game (watch here)?
Or how about last season, when Antonio Brown stupidly Facebook-Lived the locker room after a playoff win against the Chiefs — remember when Tomlin called the Patriots “those assholes”? These two incidents show the bad blood between the teams, but it’s when you throw in this next factor that you really have to take the double-agent theory seriously . . .
The LeGarrette Blount factor: Lest we not forget the what Mr. Blount did to the Steelers in 2014. First, Blount, living up to his last name, went on a high-ride with superstar backfield mate Le’Veon Bell. The two were pulled over (with a random (and probably very thicc) lady in the backseat) and Bell somehow took the blame for the marijuana in the car — not the random (and probably very thicc) lady in the backseat and not the backup running back Blount. Bell ended up getting suspended the first 3 games of the next season (one of which was against the Patriots, imagine that). Finally, after 11 games, Blount threw a fit on the sidelines and left a game, causing the Steelers to cut him. Guess who Blount signed with immediately after being cut? His former team — the New England Patriots. 🤔🤔
Did the Steelers release Harrison to bait the Patriots into picking up a double-agent? Verdict: Yes — the Steelers either have Harrison working as a double-agent or they’re going to change schemes/coverages/verbiage so that Harrison’s intel is actually hurtful to the Patriots.
While I applaud the Steelers for trying to mess with the Patriots, the fact that the faceless egg accounts on Twitter figured out what was actually going on here within a couple minutes of Harrison’s signing is a bad sign because the Patriots are coached by an actual “Super Genius” who knows how to cheat better than anyone in the NFL.
And here’s the extra layer you didn’t think about . . .
Is Stevan Ridley a mole for the Patriots?
Again, I applaud the Steelers for trying to outwit the Patriots by signing a former Patriot in Ridley — but what if Belichick was a step ahead of the Steelers and Ridley was actually a double-agent for the Patriots? Sounds a little outlandish right? After all, Ridley last played for the Patriots in 2014. But wait . . .
Do you know who Ridley played for in 2015? The Patriots’ division-rival, the New York Jets (🤔). And what about last season — who did Ridley play for? None other than the Patriots’ Super Bowl opponent, the Atlanta Falcons (🤔🤔)!!!
Verdict: Yes, there’s a mole inside the Steelers’ locker room. His name is Stevan Ridley.
The Steelers may be playing chess this time around, but they’re up against a Grand Master. It’s your move Mike Tomlin!
