hashtalk 011: learning to say ‘no’ and communication techniques you didn’t know you needed

In a field like cybersecurity, where being quite technical often steals the spotlight, communication skills are the unsung hero you didn’t know you needed. Sure, you can break into a system, but can you explain how you did it without making someone’s eyes glaze over?

Photo by Headway on Unsplash

Whether it’s presenting findings to non-tech folks or coordinating with your team, or leaving a good impression with your superior, clear expression is your secret weapon — and honestly, a game-changer when the jargon gets too real.

By Eva Georgieva

Now in my career I’ve discovered that being able to articulate yourself well, make others feel good and establish good relationships can take you a long way. Of course you need to be good at what you do, but you also need to be able to say what you did, how you did it and why does it matter. Here is where communication skills are the MVP. And, you’d be surprised how, learning to say ‘no’ at the right time, can leave quite an effect.

Hors d’œuvre

In our hashtalk today:

• Building your winning arsenal of verbal weapons
• Saying ‘no’, contrary to popular opinion, can make your boss respect you more

How to build a Winning Arsenal of Verbal Weapons?

When we are preparing for a technical role, we often can list the skills we have/need to acquire to be suitable fit for that role. Now why would we also not prepare our verbal techniques for that role? And this is usually easier, because while you may change roles and the skillset might not be equal for each and every one, your communication techniques kit, more or less, can stay the same.

Now, if communication techniques were things that I need to put in a suitcase to bring to my new role, here are the things I would pack.

The Pygmalion Effect

This one is one of my favorites and the essence is basically that the Pygmalion Effect is a psychological phenomenon where higher expectations lead to an increase in performance. Essentially, when someone believes in your ability to succeed, or you believe in your own potential, that belief can boost your motivation, confidence, and ultimately your outcomes. It’s a form of self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect good things to happen, you’re more likely to make them happen because you act in ways that align with those expectations.

The concept comes from the work of psychologist Robert Rosenthal and schoolteacher Lenore Jacobson in the 1960s. Their famous study, called the Pygmalion in the Classroom, showed that when teachers were led to believe that certain students had “special potential” (even though those students were randomly selected), those students performed better academically. The key factor was that the teachers, influenced by their expectations, unconsciously gave more attention, support, and encouragement to these students, which led to the students’ improved performance.

How it works:

The effect occurs in both directions:

• Leaders’ Expectations: In any leadership or educational setting, if a leader (or teacher, manager, etc.) has positive expectations for an individual or group, that belief can influence the person’s performance. This might involve providing more opportunities, feedback, or support.
• Self-Expectations: On the flip side, if an individual believes that they are capable of succeeding, they’re more likely to engage in behaviors that align with success, such as striving harder, asking for help, or staying focused.

Storytelling

This is another one that I find extremely powerful. Especially when used in a proper setting, one good example in a corporate setting is holding a presentation.

At its core, storytelling involves crafting a narrative that resonates with the audience emotionally, intellectually, or both.

Key Elements of Storytelling:

Most successful stories follow a traditional structure, which often includes:

• The Setup: Introducing the characters, setting, and context. This helps build a foundation for the audience to understand who the story is about and why it matters.
• The Conflict: The central challenge or problem that the protagonist faces. This drives the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.
• The Climax: The turning point in the story, where the tension peaks and the resolution is near.
• The Resolution: The conclusion, where the conflict is resolved, and the outcome is revealed.

The Feynman Technique

This is a method for mastering complex concepts by breaking them down into their simplest forms. It’s named after physicist Richard Feynman, who was renowned for his ability to explain intricate scientific topics in an easy-to-understand way. Here’s a detailed breakdown of the technique and how you can use it:

Core Principle

• The idea is that if you can explain a concept simply enough for a non-expert to understand, then you truly grasp it.
• It emphasizes deep understanding over rote memorization or superficial knowledge.

The Four Steps of the Feynman Technique

1. Choose a Concept

• Pick a topic you want to understand or explain, such as a technical process, programming principle, or system architecture.
• Write the name of the concept at the top of a blank page.

2. Explain It as If Teaching a Child

• Write an explanation of the topic in plain, simple language. Avoid jargon or technical terms unless absolutely necessary.
• Use analogies or relatable examples to simplify abstract or complex ideas.
• Example: Instead of explaining how encryption works with advanced terms, you might say, “It’s like locking your message in a box and only the person with the key can open it.”

3. Identify Gaps in Understanding

Review your explanation and pinpoint areas where:

• You struggled to explain clearly.
• You used jargon or skipped steps.
• These gaps reveal what you need to learn or clarify further. Research and refine your understanding of these areas.

4. Simplify and Refine

Revisit your explanation and make it even simpler.

• Replace complex terms with simpler alternatives.
• Ensure the explanation flows logically and that anyone could follow it.

So for example you can use the Feynman technique to explain your technical approach to non-technical colleagues or stakeholders. For example, instead of saying, “We use RESTful APIs to handle communication,” say, “APIs are like a waiter in a restaurant — they deliver your request to the kitchen and bring back what you asked for.”

The Curse of Knowledge

This is one we’re all guilty of overlooking. The Curse of Knowledge is a cognitive bias where individuals who are deeply knowledgeable about a subject struggle to imagine what it’s like not to know what they know. This often leads to overly complex explanations, assumptions about the audience’s understanding, or failure to effectively communicate with less-experienced individuals.

Understanding and overcoming this bias is crucial for technical professionals, as they frequently need to convey complex information to diverse audiences.

Core Principle

• The curse of knowledge arises when experts fail to recognize the gap between their knowledge and the audience’s understanding.
• It’s not about intelligence but about forgetting what it’s like to be a beginner or to lack foundational knowledge.

How It Manifests

1. Overuse of Jargon

• Using domain-specific terminology that others might not understand, assuming the audience knows it already.
• Example: “The API gateway routes requests based on microservice architecture principles” might confuse someone without a background in software development.

2. Skipping Context

• Jumping straight into complex details without providing the necessary background.
• Example: Explaining encryption algorithms without first describing why encryption is essential.

3. Impatience with Questions

• Becoming frustrated when others ask what seem like “basic” questions.

4. Overloading Information

• Providing too much detail, making it harder for the audience to grasp the main idea.
• Example: A presentation on threat detection diving into specific rule configurations rather than giving a high-level overview.

How to Avoid the Curse of Knowledge

1. Know Your Audience

• Ask About Their Background: Before presenting, gauge the audience’s knowledge level. Are they technical peers, business stakeholders, or end users?
• Tailor your language, examples, and level of detail to match their understanding.
• Example: Explain firewalls to IT-savvy colleagues with specific configurations but to executives as “a system that blocks harmful traffic and protects critical assets.”

2. Start With the Big Picture

• Begin with a high-level explanation before diving into specifics.
• Use a layered approach:
• Level 1: Why it matters.
• Level 2: How it works in simple terms.
• Level 3: The technical specifics (if needed).

Example: When explaining a DDoS attack:

• Level 1: “It’s like too many people trying to get into a store at once, causing chaos.”
• Level 2: “Hackers overwhelm a system by flooding it with traffic, making it inaccessible to real users.”
• Level 3: “This happens by exploiting vulnerabilities in protocols like UDP and ICMP.”

3. Use Analogies and Stories

• Relate complex concepts to familiar ideas or everyday situations.
• Example: Instead of saying “Load balancing distributes requests across multiple servers,” say, “It’s like opening extra checkout lines in a busy supermarket to serve customers faster.”

4. Encourage Questions

• Create an environment where questions are welcomed and rewarded.
• Actively ask, “Did that make sense?” or “Would you like me to explain this further?”

5. Test Your Explanation

• Teach the concept to someone outside your field. If they struggle to understand, refine your explanation.
• Use feedback to identify areas where your assumptions were incorrect.

6. Chunk Information

• Break content into digestible sections.
• Use visual aids like diagrams, flowcharts, or bullet points to simplify dense material.

7. Focus on “What’s In It for Them”

• Emphasize the practical relevance of your explanation. This keeps the audience engaged and minimizes the chance of overwhelming them with unnecessary details.

The Power of Saying No

Saying “no” can be one of the most effective ways to establish boundaries, prioritize effectively, and maintain credibility in the workplace. While it may feel uncomfortable, learning to say no thoughtfully and strategically can enhance your professional reputation and earn you greater respect from your boss.

Why Your Boss Will Respect You for Saying No

1. It Shows You’re Thinking Strategically

• A “yes” to everything can indicate a lack of prioritization. Saying no strategically shows you are focused on delivering results for the most critical projects.

2. You Act as a Trusted Advisor

• When you push back against low-value tasks or unrealistic deadlines, it positions you as someone who values the team’s success over blind obedience.

3. It Demonstrates Confidence

• Saying no respectfully shows you’re confident in your abilities and understand your value.

4. You Prevent Bottlenecks

• Overcommitting can cause delays or mistakes that ripple through the team. Saying no avoids this, keeping projects on track.

5. It Highlights Your Expertise

• Thoughtfully declining tasks outside your expertise signals you’re focused on leveraging your skills where they matter most.

Practical Example

• Scenario: Your boss asks you to lead a side project, but you’re already overloaded with critical tasks.
• Instead of saying yes and risking burnout:
• Response:
  “Thanks for trusting me with this. Right now, I’m fully committed to [Priority Project], which I believe is critical to our success this quarter. If it’s possible to delay this or reassign it, I’d be happy to assist when my current workload eases.”

Let’s keep in touch

I’d always be willing to discuss more, exchange ideas and continue the hash talk.

• Reach me at: evaincybersec@gmail.com