Fight the instinctive gut feeling to initiate a conversation
Starting a conversation is scary. Unfortunately, we can’t forget that fear unless we experience the fear a lot and come to enjoy the exciting yet frightening feeling of actively engaging with other people ourselves. However, the important thing is to overcome the fear and speak up rather than let it control you and do nothing then regret later.
If you are still struggling with that feeling and let it hold you back, here are some ways to deal with it:
1. Analyze the fear rationally
You need to take time to understand why you fear. Have you thought of whether what you fear will happen if you engage? Or is it just the vague fear of the unknown? An intuitive reaction to the potential failure and embarrassment?
The bad news is that what you are afraid of is likely to happen. You are probably going to say stupid things. People are going to laugh at what you let out. You are even going to be disliked. The good news is even if that’s true, it won’t matter. The fear itself is considered useless by many psychologists, as what we fear does not do us any real harm. Most people, especially strangers, do not spend much time pitying or thinking about others, as they are too busy pitying themselves.
With that in mind, you will realize that the risk is much larger not taking chances. Being embarrassed is relatively minor compared to not being able to communicate with others and create your own opportunities.
Nevertheless, the fear is normal, it is a signal that we are alive. If it’s too overwhelmed, just take a deep breath, ask yourself “Where’s the danger? What is the worst case scenario?”, and know that “that gut feeling” is the worst thing because you don’t know the outcome, but as soon as you start the interaction it will fade away and a sense of relief will overtake that feeling and you will feel more comfortable.
2. Get in “state”
After understanding all your scary feelings, this is where you pull it together and bring out the best version of yourself. This is where you get the mindset that what you are going to do is simply a social experiment. You are just expressing your opinions, showing who you are, and get the response of people around you. If they like you, then congratulations! You attract people compatible to you by being yourself. If not, then forget it. It won’t matter.
3. Read some self-help books
Reading books is one of the best ways to learn from other people’s experiences. Here are some books you can trust in:
- “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie on how we should treat other people.
- “Models” by Mark Manson on how to attract people like us.
- “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius on how to live our life.
4. Take it slow
No one changes completely after just reading an article or some books. Don’t expect you to turn into someone different after just one or two days. Even after you understand why and what you fear, you will probably fear when you meet someone new and let the moment slide. So you need to chunk your process down small step by small step.
Because the whole process of stepping up to someone, catching their attention and keeping them in the conversation is too big to deal with the first time, it needs to be divided into small steps, depending on you. So you need to imagine the procedure. For example, in order to get one’s attention, you will need to say “hi” or make eye contacts with that person first. Then you think of the relevant topics. Thus, the first change you need to make is getting used to make eye contacts. When you have done the first step, move on to the next step. This will give you a sense of accomplishment so you carry on improving yourself rather than giving up.
Your steps might be even easier to make in a networking event, where everyone is willing to take risks and embrace every conversation. You can seize your own opportunities at the international entrepreneurship conference and startup exhibition for Southeast Asia HATCH! FAIR — HOT POT EDITION:
