I want to get closer to my colleague on a personal level — what are some ways I can have those get-to-know-you conversations while also respecting their boundaries and personal life?
-Spain 🇪🇸
Kylie de Vos, Senior Client Services Manager at GAY TIMES GROUP says…
You assert your own boundaries on a daily basis, and LGBTQ+ people do the same with the information they share. Reality is that establishing a friendly connection is the same no matter who you are or where you are in the world.
It’s always best to start a relationship by asking about interests and hobbies. Some people may feel uncomfortable having to share personal stories right away. It’s really difficult to jump right into a conversation about identity without some common ground. Instead, ask them what their favourite type of movie is, which TV shows they are currently watching, or if there’s a particular album they are into. Through interest-based conversation you can gradually get to know someone without inadvertently disrespecting any personal boundaries they may have. Over time that person may want to speak about more personal aspects of their lives, but to begin with keep it light and general.
You can also demonstrate your allyship by showing support for LGBTQ+ art, culture and other life experiences. For example, can you share LGBTQ+ inclusive stories from your previous job or home life? Have you been to a Pride event or have you attended an LGBTQ+ wedding? Have you been to a concert where the artist is an activist for the LGBTQ+ community? Starting a conversation by showing you are inclusive and welcoming will make the person feel more relaxed and able to open up with you about your own experiences.
When it comes to dating or relationship conversations, it’s good to use words such as “partner” rather than “husband” or “wife”. If your team member does divulge further information about their relationships or dating life, don’t ask a lot of questions. Treat the conversation with the same kind of respect you’d want your own privacy to be afforded. If the conversation allows you to ask questions, do so in a considered and open-minded way. Overreacting or overcompensating to answers about someone’s personal relationship or dating life — however well intentioned — will always make them feel slightly uncomfortable. Like it would for anyone.
Generally, when LGBTQ+ people are comfortable in their working environment and with their colleagues, they can be just as open about their private lives as anyone else. It just starts with building trust.
Visit gaytimesgroup.com for more information about connecting with LGBTQ+ audiences around the world.
